Legacy

Many years ago, when I was 8 or 9 years old, my aunt gave me a little pendant. It was a lucite heart with a tiny pink rose inside. She had bought it to help out a cousin who was out of work and selling them to tide his family over. I loved this little heart and wore it all the time.

Last December, I lost the little lucite heart pendant with the rose inside. I was heartbroken. You see, I had planned to leave it to my granddaughter; it was to be her legacy.

Now it was gone. I discovered it missing when I got home from my walk in the Botanical garden. I felt for it and oh no! there was the open chain around my neck but no pendant. I searched and searched. When my husband got home I was in tears. I called Lost & Found and went back to the Café the next day to search, retracing my steps, asking the staff to search. But finally, despite my prayers to St. Anthony, I knew it was gone. I couldn’t even tell anyone at first - I felt the same dull gut feeling of loss, like after my house was robbed, like after the terrible diagnoses of the past years, like after deaths of loved ones.

Why did I feel so devastated about a “thing”? And I came to realize it was really about keep me alive. My memory would live on in Marina, my granddaughter. When she wore the pendant she would remember me, how I loved the little locket, how I loved her. I would not be forgotten. I would live on somehow, through her. Was this a way of avoiding facing the reality of my own mortality? Of avoiding looking at death, time running out, and choosing to live life fully whatever time I have left. What opportunity, what dangerous opportunity did this loss, this “stripping” bring me today in this NOW moment. Humility? I am who I am. Marina is who she is. The mystery of how we “live” in others, the connection - well it’s a mystery to me.

I know I hold Marina in my heart. As I hold my grandmother in my heart. When I pray each morning. When Christmas comes and I think on the old days of Christmas Eves at Nanny’s and midnight Mass. When I do the jumble and think of her at the table each night, calmly and quietly pealing her orange, doing the jumble. What faith and love she (and all my forbears) left to me. What a legacy! How beautiful is the faith and love in Marina. It lives on.

And there’s a wonderful postscript to this story!

On Mothers Day I received a new pendant and it was a gift of love. My daughter Tina, Marina’s Mom, searched for a pendant on the internet to replace the lucite heart with the rose that I had lost. When she couldn’t find one she made me a pendant with a rose inside! Poured the resin into the mold and placed a little rose there. (You can see a picture of it by linking to "my daughter's blog" on the sidebar - then go to "A Heart full of Memories" May 8, 2011.) Just her desire to replace the lost heart that broke my heart fills me with humbling awe. Now this new pendant has an even better meaning and legacy that the 60 year old one that I lost. This new one represents the pure unselfish love of daughter for mother. It is a new symbol to treasure. Legacy. What connects us to the past and to the future.

6/2/2011

Christmas Letter 2010

Merry Christmas to All!

2010 was a most challenging year, one that forced me to face my aging in a scary way. I was hampered by a cough and hoarseness all Spring. Then in June I suffered a stress fracture and in October a bout with diverticulitis. These maladies changed my life in significant ways, including my part time work in the city and my daily walking routine. But I learned much from the experiences – that I am not in complete control; that Angel, my friends and family provide generous loving support; and that perhaps it is time for me to slow down and dig deep. So off I am in new directions: leading a series of workshops on late life spirituality and looking forward to a Contemplative Formation program at Mariandale next year.

Many celebrations to report. In May we had a combo-gala for the 3 Payne grandchildren's birthdays, Chase's confirmation and Sierra's First Communion, plus Angel's 70th. And how fantastic when Lisa surprised us with a visit in time for the party! Marina started taking a class at the community college, while continuing her job at the library. Chase is pursuing film classes, along with tae kwan do. Sierra was a helpful companion when I was convalescing from my fracture. My son Angel got a new job in Pennsylvania, and grandson Sam took classes in the gifted program at Montclair State University. Now they will have to move. The California grandkids – Aidan and Jackson are now at the same school, and doing great with ice hockey lessons. I missed seeing them this year.

My sister Kathy is a great pal and we get together often. After a difficult pregnancy, my niece Audra had a healthy baby boy in February; Dylan's smile lights up my heart! We love seeing him and his big brother Braden. My Pennsylvania cousins paid a visit with their cousin from England in June. Like myself, so many family and friends faced health challenges this year: my cousin Cindy, brother-in-law Jose, my friends Arleen and Sister Pat. Happily all are on the mend. But it makes you stop and ponder.

I am so grateful for my friends, who I meet with often: Pat N.; Peter and Ann; John and Bea. Connected with Sr. Jean Canora and Pat Healey from Catholic Charities days. And my “Met Club” friends pushed me around the Garden in a wheel chair when I couldn't travel. I am truly inspired by all the wonderful people that God has blessed me with.

The book in which I contributed a chapter was published – Spiritual and Psychological Aspects of Illness (Paulist Press).

2010 may have been trying at times but it was also filled with blessings. And so I look forward with great hope to 2011. May you all enjoy a Christmas season and new year of peace, health and moments of sheer delight!

January Poems

I don’t know what it is about winter that inspires the poet in me but it does. Maybe it’s being able to see through uncluttered bare branches, to see what I didn’t notice during the distraction of Fall. Anyway I am just grateful for the gift of another poem.

Winter Whine

This is not your gentle January.
This month means business.
Freeze drying the brain
Shoving shiv ‘ring bones within
To seek refuge nigh
Desiccating hearth,
There to brood on shortened days
To cry dry tears for dead dreams
And look back in anguish.

Or perhaps, January says “go out”.
Sip in the icy breath of life.
Dance merrily on the slippery way.
Dare to fall and rise again.
And look ahead in awe.

© E.M. Ramos 1/8/2010

The next poem was inspired by my dear friend Mary, 95 years young, who says that she seems to be sleeping most of the day. I have long connected late life with winter. And so ….

Winter Waiting

Winter time’s for sleeping.
That’s just the way it is.
All the world appears dead,
Draped in dried, drab reminders
Of Autumn’s harvest.

Yet just below the surface
Life lies in quiet repose.
Renewing energy
Dreaming of Spring
Hoping for rebirth.

© E.M. Ramos 1/17/2010

Poverty and the Elderly - Part 2

The first part of my blog on Poverty and the Elderly is below - October 15th. The following is a continuation of excerpts from "Under the Radar: Poverty Among Older Adults in New York City" (May 2007 New York Citizens’ Committee on Aging, Inc.)

With such low incomes, many seniors have a difficult time covering even their most basic expenses. Nearly half of all renters age 65 or older in New York City spend at least 35 percent of their household income on rent. In addition, research shows that on average older Americans spend 19 percent of their total income on “out-of-pocket” medical expenses annually, with more than half of these payments going toward prescription drugs and dental care (despite Medicaid coverage for many). (Crystal, S.; Harman, J.; Sambamoorthi, U.; Johnson, R.; And Kumar, R. "Out of Pocket Health Care Costs Among Older Americans." Journal of Gerontology: Social Sciences 55B, no. 1 (2000): S51–S62.) As a result, debt has increased substantially among the senior population. Debt held by families headed by a person age 75 or older increased to 40.3 percent in 2004; this is up from 29.0 percent in 2001.12 A recent study by the Food Bank of New York City has shown that nearly one-fifth (18 percent) of older people in the City are without savings and “would not be able to afford food for themselves and their families immediately after losing only one month of income.” (The Food Bank for New York City. “Hunger: An Aging Issue,” 2005.) Seniors disproportionately rely upon emergency food pantries and soup kitchens in New York City. While only 12 percent of the City’s total population, New Yorkers age 65 or older account for 24 percent of all emergency food participants.

Generally speaking, there are three groups of seniors who descend into poverty (i.e. experience a large and ongoing discrepancy between income and expenses). These three groups include: 1.) those who have been economically insecure throughout their lives and thus have few resources; 2.) those who had limited resources for retirement (such as pensions) but experienced a diminution of them; and, 3.) those who undergo a crisis or other unforeseen event that rapidly plunges them into poverty (such as the death of a spouse). For a good number of these seniors living in poverty, the prospect of a golden retirement simply does not exist. As a result of various factors, seniors most at risk of experiencing poverty brought on by one of the situations described above include: women; those over age 75; individuals with disabilities or chronic health problems; immigrants; ethnic and racial minorities; those who live alone; and those less formally educated. Moreover, individuals with more than one of these characteristics are at increased risk.

The Future Outlook
New York City’s elderly population, which stood at 937,900 in 2000, is projected to increase to 1,352,000 by 2030 – this represents a 44.2 percent increase. If poverty were to remain at the City’s current 20.3 percent level, (actually more like 32% according to the NYC Center for Economic Opportunity’s more realistic poverty measure) over 274,000 older New Yorkers will live in poverty by 2030 -- this represents a 70 percent increase from 2005. The problem of poverty among New York City’s older population must be addressed now to assure quality of life is protected and enhanced for both the current and future generation.

This report was completed by Board Members of the New York Citizens’ Committee on Aging: Jessica Walker, Senior Policy Analyst at United Neighborhood Houses of New York; with Mary Mayer, NGO Representative of the United Nations’ International Federation on Ageing and Former Deputy Commissioner of the New York City Department for the Aging.

I am happy to say that the organization I work for, the New York Citizens’ Committee on Aging, has made this a priority project – using our resources and reaching out to the community to help us make a difference in lifting NYC's seniors out of poverty. For a copy of our full report and information on how to get involved e-mail me at info@nyccoa.org or call 212-353-3950.

Poverty and the Elderly

Today is the day we blog about poverty, a world wide issue, even more scary in the current economic climate. In my retiree job as part time director of a small NYC advocacy organization, the New York Citizens’ Committee on Aging, Inc., we took on the issue of elder poverty when we discovered an alarming statistic. According to the data from the U.S. Census Bureau, "2005 American Community Survey", over 20% of New York City’s older adults were poor! And this in a city with such a high cost of living. We have made elder poverty our project for over a year, holding a May 2007 forum with seniors and key leaders in aging services, and following up with our colleagues to find ways to address this issue.

Needless to say, over the past year things have gotten a lot worse. Sometimes I feel that even older New Yorkers, like myself, lucky enough to have savings and a pension in addition to Social Security and Medicare, are just a step away from “poverty”, if that means being unable to afford housing, food and health care. So imagine how much harder the struggle is for our older neighbors on fixed incomes and such limited funds. What follows is an excerpt from our report, Under the Radar: Poverty Among Older Adults in New York City (May 2007 New York Citizens’ Committee on Aging, Inc.)

Poverty is more than a lack of financial resources; it is a serious threat to health and well-being, dignity, and the ability to participate fully in our society.(Economic and Social Council of the United Nations Commission on Population and Development. “Monitoring of population programmes, focusing on the changing age structures of populations and their implications for development, Report of the Secretary-General,” December 28, 2006.)

Unfortunately, in recent years the problem of poverty amongst older adults has become increasingly invisible. Many people believe that the vast majority of seniors are affluent – or at least receiving adequate assistance. The major cause behind this misconception is the success of programs such as Medicare and Social Security, which have greatly alleviated economic insecurity among older adults. In fact, poverty among Americans age 65 and older has fallen from one-in-three persons in 1960 to one-in-ten today. (Whitman, D. & Purcell, P. (2006). Topics in aging: Income and poverty among older Americans in 2005.)

These successes cannot be denied and our country should be proud of this progress. Work remains, however, for too many seniors have been left behind. While poverty among persons age 65 and older in the United States has decreased, it has actually risen in New York City. (New York City Department for the Aging. “Annual Plan Summary, April 1, 2007 – March 31, 2008, For Older Americans Act and New York State Community Services for the Elderly Program and Expanded In-Home Services for the Elderly Program,” September 2006.)

In 2005, the U.S. Census Bureau set the poverty threshold for
individuals age 65 and older at $9,367. (U.S. Census Bureau. “Poverty Thresholds 2005.”) If a senior’s annual pretax income falls below this amount then he or she is considered “poor.” While updated annually, this threshold is the same throughout the contiguous United States and does not reflect regional differences in cost-of-living. According to this measure, 9.9% of older Americans lived in poverty in 2005, which represents a continued decline of poverty among this age group nationwide. Yet, the poverty rate among older adults living in New York City was twice the national rate: 20.3%. (U.S. Census Bureau, 2005 American Community Survey.) This is a significant problem that is not mirrored in all urban areas. In fact, among the twenty most populous cities in the United States, New York is second only to Detroit, Michigan in the percentage of its seniors living in poverty.

New York City is home to over 943,000 people who are age 65 or older. Approximately 191,653 of these seniors live in poverty, but what is known about them? According to the U.S. Census: 68.3 percent of these seniors are female; 37.3 percent are male. 47.9 percent are age 65 to 74; 52.1 percent are age 75 and older. 59.8 percent experience one or more physical, mental or emotional disabilities.

Poverty is most prevalent among racial and ethnic minorities …. The poverty rate among the City’s Hispanic elderly population is three times the national average, while the rates for Black and Asian elderly are more than double that rate.

Disability can be either a cause or consequence of poverty. In New York City, the percentage of seniors who are both poor and disabled is over twice the national rate: 5.5% versus 12.1%

In basic terms, poverty results from the discrepancy between income and expenses. A person is “poor” when his or her income is woefully inadequate to cover expenses that meet basic needs, such as food, housing and transportation. In New York City these expenses are immense. In fact, New York City is the most expensive city in which to live in all of North America (NNMoney.com. “World’s Most Expensive Cities,” June 22, 2005.)

Since this is such an important topic, to be continued.....

It's Great to Hear from YOU!

I am pleasantly surprised with the interest in my blogs about my career in Gerontology. Today on the radio there was a piece about the shortage of geriatricians and other professionals in the field of aging. Given the rapid aging of America's and the world's population, this is a crisis already arrived. However, young people, this is also an exciting opportunity for you. Enter a field that needs you. That is never boring. And that has endless possibilities.

I look forward to writing the next installment of "My Career in Aging" which will deal with "what do you do all day, anyway?" But this week, in addition to my "retirement" job as Executive Director of the New York Citizens Committee on Aging, I am also finishing up a chapter for a friend's book about ministering to the sick and dying. So tune in next week for more on my career.

Once again I want to thank you all for your comments. Thank you Maryellen for inspiring me. Thank you Teresa for reminding us that "the best age is the age you are". We need to take care of our health, body and soul, at any age. Tina, you are wise indeed - one can live, thrive and grow no matter what - life is precious, as you know. A special thanks to purpleflowerpatch for the Excellent Blog Award. I am grateful!

Rembering 9/11/2001: The Hope

On September 12th, 2001, my 60th birthday, I did not go to work. At Mass that morning, I was struck by the readings for that day: all about forgiveness and not seeking revenge. As a former spiritual director of mine would say, there are no coincidences. And the thought did occur to me very soon after the attack. Please don’t let this result in retaliation. The Sharks and Jets song from West Side Story kept playing in my head. “Well they began it, they began it … and we’re the ones to end it once and for all!” For a short time, I lived in hope.

Later that day, to get away from the TV and the horrific replays of collapsing towers and falling bodies, I went to walk in the Botanical Gardens. As I sat outside the Café, on another bright blue day, something seemed strange. It was so quiet. The sky was so alone. Of course, there were no planes, no visions of spear like jets bent on mass murder; for a long time after September 11th, whenever I saw a sleek jet, fear would grip my heart.

But right there at the Café, the stories of goodness began to unfold. A woman coming back to thank a Café worker for helping her the day before, when she was desperately trying to find out if her daughter was safe; her daughter was with her now. It gave me hope: human kindness and compassion were not destroyed after all.

Still later, our family gathered at an upstate restaurant to celebrate my birthday. And my daughter’s gift was a surprise announcement that she was pregnant. I remember thinking that this child should be named Hope. And today, five year old Sierra is a constant reminder that hope for the future is alive and well.

I finally got back to Manhattan; the freedom to walk where I wanted was already disappearing, for security reasons. Sad. Since I worked for a social service agency based in NYC, we were immediately mobilized to respond to the tragedy. First, we were organized into a 24 hour telephone response team to answer calls coming in. We thought most calls would be from victims or their families needing help. But all the calls I took were from people from all over the country wanting to help. HOPE. Goodness seemed to be making a comeback big time.

On the day I returned to work, my daughter called me, urging me to get out of Manhattan; she was scared. I felt so depressed after work I began to walk up First Avenue. A candle light vigil was scheduled and I saw people beginning to line up along the street. But I had no candle. There was a church nearby and I went inside feeling distraught, drained, and left out. I began crying; it was all too much. When I came out of the church onto the avenue, a woman gave me a candle. And I stood, with countless others, of all different ages, colors, faiths, nationalities. We stood shoulder to shoulder along First Avenue singing “God Bless America”. Hope.

A week later, the Annual Westchester Mass for Older Adults was about the only event that hadn’t been canceled. The usual festive occasion was quickly toned down in keeping with the somber times. During the Mass, a young man came into the church. He still had his firefighters uniform on – it was covered with soot. He was a rescue worker, just returned from Ground Zero, and had stopped into church only to come across a hundred or so senior citizens. At once they embraced him, invited him to the luncheon after Mass, where he was the guest of honor and spoke to us about his experiences and the sacrifices so many heroes were making in their efforts to find survivors. Nothing turned out as it had been “planned” for that day but I am sure no one forgot the 2001 Westchester Mass for Older Adults. And the special gift I received from those days, when so many were at their best and gave so unselfishly was Hope.

An August Blessing

I have noticed that many of my recent poems deal with "transition". The one I will share today was written in the summer (how appropriate) of 2006, shortly after I retired that June. It deals with my struggle to begin a new phase of my life.

An August Blessing

Peeking through the holes I see
Pieces of the sky
Holy trees
Peaceful clouds
Bless me on the way.

Sitting still upon a bench
Surrounded by a kiss
Quiet rest
Gentle breeze
Calm me on the way.

Melting down the grief of June
As anger bids farewell
August heat
August hope
Heal me on the way.

Clinging to my treasured trove
Unwilling to let go
Cluttered home
Heavy heart
Teach me on the way.

Walking with nowhere to go
Watching every step
Precious time
Prayerful feet
Guide me on the way.
copyright E. M. Ramos 10/15/2007

Transitions

Since retiring from my job of 25 years last year, I have been in “transition”, a time of change, darkness and new possibilities. Last week I made a retreat "Embracing Life’s Transitions: God’s Call to Transformation". I remembered other times of transition and how they had shaped me into what I am today. In particular there was the time that the department I headed was dissolved and absorbed into another, without an identity or mission. It was hard. I saw it as a personal failure and felt angry, confused and humiliated. Yet in this painful place I was to be befriended by Sister P., who helped me re-structure our work into Ministry to Seniors, a more effective program that trained hundreds of parish volunteers who reached out to hundreds more homebound persons over the next 15 years. Even more, Sister P. convinced me that one need not be a religious to be called to the spiritual life. And so began an awesome inner journey: retreats, journalling, bio-spiritual focusing – a totally new perspective on how I viewed God and my faith. Such growth!

Transitions are like being in a cocoon, a time of darkness and turmoil, a time for waiting. I am not a patient person so it is very difficult to sit still and wait. But recalling past experiences gives me hope that some day soon I will emerge again into some exciting new form, just like a butterfly. This blog could be the start. 7/5/07

Inner Elder

I am off and running! And that feels great! I want to thank my daughter, Tina for encouraging me to start my own Blog. Beginnings are full of hope, especially when you're older. I see this Blog as an opportunity to share my thoughts, my feelings, my poetry, my experience and my dreams. To keep my computer literate friends up to the minute on my adventures and to meet new people in the exciting world of cyberspace.

Inner Elder is also the title of my self-published books of poetry. My poems best express who I am and I look forward to sharing them.