Clutter-free Gifts

So how do we free ourselves from adding to the clutter caused by more Christmas gifts? I like what my sister did this year. Kathy is the generosity guru of the family. This Christmas she treated the whole family to Cirque du Soleil at Madison Square Garden. Now this is great. It’s a shared experience with those we love, great fun and best of all, it doesn’t take up any space in our house (unless you buy a souvenir).

I have given Kathy trips – that’s how we discovered Longwood Gardens – and treated family or friends to dinner or a show. A gifting experience that is remembered fondly and doesn’t add to our treasure troves. To really hit the spot, these should be shared experiences. Then you get the best present of all – the gifter’s presence to enjoy the dinner or show with you.

Personally, I love gifts that you can literally eat up. My hubby and I have gobbled up fruit baskets, fruit cakes (yes, we love fruit cake), homemade Aunt Kate cookies, etc. etc. And we never forget who sent us these treats. My friend Mary sends us a 2 lb. box of See’s Chocolates from San Francisco each year and we think of her with each sweet bite. Even though this gift sends my Weight Watcher points sky rocketing.

And then there are the “contribution gifts”. My son likes us to donate to favorite charities, like Doctors Without Borders in their honor. This idea has become more imaginative lately because people still like a tangible token, along with their altruism. This year the World Wildlife Fund had a great gimmick – adopt an endangered animal and receive a certificate and photo of “your” animal. I got one for each of my grandkids and threw in a stuffed animal for the youngest three. Anyway, it’s a wonderful way to honor a friend, support a cause and get a tax deduction. And best of all – it takes up no space at all!

Gifting Games 2

The List Game also facilitates another gifting game – creative gift management or varying your gifts from year to year to prevent recipient boredom. Of course some people I know like to get the same gift – which is why my brother is getting yet another Swiss Colony package this Christmas. And I confess I would never tire of a Barnes and Noble gift card from here to eternity.

Games to curb our over-gifting tendencies include “Silent Santa”. Put the names of all members of a group in a hat; each person picks one name, which equals one gift each. How about the Competition Game? It goes like this: “Well I put so much thought or spent so much money on her gift and look what she gave me!” Doesn’t this defeat the purpose of gift giving? I struggle to give up this outdoing game lest it escalate into bankruptcy. Not to mention petty resentments, hurt feelings and other negative baggage I can do without.

Many good people I know have tried to curb the gifting frenzy. But sometimes it just doesn’t work. People are where they’re at and we must honor that. There may be a whole psychology of giving, for all I know. Meanwhile, it is much easier to give than to receive.

Gifting Games

Do you play gifting games? I guess the most famous is “Re-gifting”, where you put aside a gift that you think you will never use and give it to someone else. Of course, the trick is to never give the “re-gift” back to the original giver or to anyone in his circle.

To prevent re-gifting embarrassment, I play another game – Lists, a favorite of OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) sufferers. I keep yearly lists of all the gifts I give and to whom plus gifts I receive and from whom. That way, if I decide to re-gift something, I won’t give it to the “wrong” person. Now, this may sound terribly insensitive or even worse, ungrateful, but admit it. Who amongst us has never played the Re-gifting Game? In fact in some primitive cultures, it’s a revered tradition.

Those who practice re-gifting may be interested in an experimental game we played back in Grad School. Players place an unwanted possession, nicely gift-wrapped, before them on the floor or table. Using a spinner or dice, players choose any gift in exchange for their own when it’s their turn. After several rounds the gifts are unwrapped. As the game advanced, it was amazing to observe how players reacted when their “unwanted” gifts were prized by others. They began to fight to get them back and many went home with what they brought! Hey! This may even be a way to cut down on the overgifting syndrome known to plague 21st century families.

Guiltless Gift Giving

Some years ago my friend Sister P. came up with a great Christmas project at our agency: “Adopt-a-Family”. The idea was to match a poor family with those who wanted to do something charitable for the holidays. Only needed items, like clothing or household items were listed on the recipient’s profile. But of course, the adopters, who were recruited from the Archdiocese’s parishes, usually outdid themselves, supplying toys and games along with the sweaters and blankets.

I know many religious congregations have versions of Adopt-a-Family – there are Jesse Trees and in my parish, we have paper Angels that the children color: on the back it simply says “4 year old boy” or “Woman size large”. I think it’s a wonderful idea. Because it brings together those who love to shop with those who really do need stuff! A win win opportunity if ever there was one. Or what I liked to call “guilt free shopping”.

Christmas Shopping Season

With mixed feelings, I embrace that most frenzied time of year yet again - Christmas Shopping Season. I have mentioned before my love-hate relationship with Malls. Too much stuff, too much choice, too much temptation. Advent, the period of reflection and waiting, has instead become the Shopping Olympics of my year. So why do I succumb?

That brings us to the subject of "gift giving" and all the baggage that weighs it down. Gifts, in my family, were a way of showing affection. We were not raised to be particularly demonstrative, physically. So birthdays and Christmas were an opportunity to demonstrate our love for each other. As a child and young adult, I worked feverishly to find the perfect gift for each of my loved ones. Sometimes I made the gifts myself, like the year I made pastel paintings of nature scenes to give my Dad and Grandmother for Christmas. I even spent hours on creative wrappings. Maybe it was more about my creative efforts being recognized and appreciated than about expressing love. In truth, it was all of it.

I learned from the masters of gift giving - my Mom and Dad. Mom loved to shop. She gifted her family all through the year with bargains she uncovered in hidden racks at Bloomies and all her favorite stores. Once when I complained that Mom could not afford her generosity to me and my kids, my brother John wisely observed that it was her way of expressing her love for us. And I accepted that. So Christmas was the "mother" of all shopping sprees for Mom. She shopped up to the final hour and had her gifts wrapped only moments before we exchanged them on Christmas Eve.

For Dad, his gifts were tied up with the "bow" of his own self-esteem. If the gifts he so thoughtfully planned did not elicit the hoped for, enthusiastic delight on the part of the recipient, he felt painfully rejected. So I remember fondly his Christmas surprise to me one year during my teens - a stereo! (For all you younguns', a stereo in those days was today's I-pod.) Anyway, that was the perfect gift for me and I hadn't a clue. Looking back, I feel happy that my joy at that gift gave Dad even more joy. Now I understand.

This is too hot a topic to drop. So "shopping" and "gifts" will be featured in my pre-Christmas blogs and maybe I will blog more this month. Besides, I'm off to the Mall now. To do some Christmas shopping! And then to spend time with the best Christmas gift I ever received - my daughter Tina. Happy Birthday Tina!