Sunday, October 26, 2008

Tribute to Nanny

This time of year brings back memories of my maternal grandmother: she was born in 1892 and died at age 90 on All Souls Day November 2nd. Nanny grew up in a tenement on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. Her father was a furniture maker. The story goes that he got a splinter from some exotic wood he was working with, and the infection led to blood poisoning. He was stubborn and wouldn’t take the medicine the doctor prescribed; in fact he threw it out the window. And he died leaving my great grandmother with 3 small daughters. She was a hard working single Mom, who took in laundry to support her family. And they were staunch Catholics. Nanny spoke lovingly of “Third Street Church” (Most Holy Redeemer, which is still there, the German cathedral of NYC). Nanny attended MHR school, where she learned German. Her uncle was a priest and a monsignor, who we went to visit every year in his parish in Poughkeepsie, NY.

Nanny spoke of her mother as a stern disciplinarian. When little Nanny tore her apron, she would go to her aunt, who would mend it. They lived in poverty but did not think of themselves as “poor”; but there were regrets. Like having to walk all the way uptown because they couldn’t afford the streetcar. But the worst was that Nanny was not allowed to go to High School, even though she had a scholarship and graduated top of her 8th grade class. Her mother insisted she go to work in the garment industry to help support the family. Even in old age, Nanny spoke bitterly of her disappointment that she could not study to be a teacher. She encouraged us to become teachers. Only my daughter, who homeschools, became a teacher. I hope Nanny is smiling down at her today. I think she is.

I am grateful for Nanny’s presence in my life. She was my refuge, my anchor, my inspiration. Perhaps because of the contrast of her personality to my Mom’s, her daughter. Nanny evoked an aura of calm, quiet, orderly and slow, deliberate movement, while Mom’s space was chaotic, her pace frenetic, and the decibel level in our quarters – way up there. From my earliest memories, I would escape to my grandparents’ apartment on the 2nd floor of our three-story brownstone. Especially when it got too noisy or crowded at my place. I would creep quietly down the “private hall”, out the door, up the stairs and see the entrance to their apartment. It was a promise of peace and tranquility, still an image of heaven to me.

Nanny would be sitting at the table reading the Journal American, or doing the Word Jumble, while peeling an orange. Pop-Pop was dozing in his easy chair and Kiki, Nanny’s younger sister, was busy cleaning up in the kitchen. When my Mom tried to toilet train me at age 1, because my cousin supposedly was toilet trained, Nanny let me “go in my pants” behind the chair in her living room. She accepted me for what I was, just like most grandparents do with their grandkids. Like I try to do with mine.

I can see her walking slowly up the street with her shopping cart. She had her daily routine. Her unconditional acceptance of me and calm, orderly manner was what drew me to her – and to all older people. It determined my choice of career in aging services, work I love and treasure.

Oh yes, she had her anxieties and prejudices as well. But as I got older and exposed her to new fangled 60’s ideas, she grew as well. At first she was dismayed at my Puerto Rican boyfriend, but as time went on and she got to know the man I married, they became great buddies. Even when I got older and didn’t spend as much time with Nanny, I tried to support her, especially when Pop-Pop developed dementia. Later I tried again so hard to help my Mom take care of Nanny when she got Alzheimers. When Nanny died, I couldn’t mourn. I felt she had died long ago and I didn’t know when I had lost her. But I still miss her today. She would be 116 years old! Boy does that make me feel old!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for remembering Nanny for us, Mom. I am glad that I knew her a little bit and do know what you mean about the peace and calm upstairs. I remember the toast crumbs on the butter in the fridge and the half cups of cold tea, more water and milk than tea. Nanny and Kiki were such good friends. I loved being with them and looking at the pictures on their walls. The front room and kitchen were always so sunny and I loved watching the sun glinting off of their white curls. Nanny would always find some treasure for us to play with like a box of buttons or letting us look through a drawer of old things that she loved with pictures and articles and clothing with embroidery. She and Kiki were always making something for us and trying it on my sister and me like we were their own special dolls. I felt so pretty and loved around them both. And they were so soft to hug. I just felt like they were downy pillows to fall into. I loved Nanny's arms, they hung low and jiggled so funny. I used to play with them when she hugged me close. Her bra strap always fell on one side when she wore a short sleeved dress. I thought that is what they were supposed to do. I remember looking at their garters that held their stockings and thinking how much fun they must be to wear. I loved playing with those little buttons and straps. We used to run back and forth in the apartment looking for all of the hidden treasures. I am sure that Nanny was smiling at us because she never said no or don't do that. She was much more subtle if she wanted to get us to do something else. There would be a little cake or sandwich waiting for us on the dining room table with a big glass of milk. And on the days that were special, the table would be filled with so many dishes of different things I wondered how she had cooked it all on her little stove. Nanny loved to dress up in her button hats and knitted coats. She looked so warm and happy in them. She was the best and I loved her very much.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for remembering Nanny for us, Mom. I am glad that I knew her a little bit and do know what you mean about the peace and calm upstairs. I remember the toast crumbs on the butter in the fridge and the half cups of cold tea, more water and milk than tea. Nanny and Kiki were such good friends. I loved being with them and looking at the pictures on their walls. The front room and kitchen were always so sunny and I loved watching the sun glinting off of their white curls. Nanny would always find some treasure for us to play with like a box of buttons or letting us look through a drawer of old things that she loved with pictures and articles and clothing with embroidery. She and Kiki were always making something for us and trying it on my sister and me like we were their own special dolls. I felt so pretty and loved around them both. And they were so soft to hug. I just felt like they were downy pillows to fall into. I loved Nanny's arms, they hung low and jiggled so funny. I used to play with them when she hugged me close. Her bra strap always fell on one side when she wore a short sleeved dress. I thought that is what they were supposed to do. I remember looking at their garters that held their stockings and thinking how much fun they must be to wear. I loved playing with those little buttons and straps. We used to run back and forth in the apartment looking for all of the hidden treasures. I am sure that Nanny was smiling at us because she never said no or don't do that. She was much more subtle if she wanted to get us to do something else. There would be a little cake or sandwich waiting for us on the dining room table with a big glass of milk. And on the days that were special, the table would be filled with so many dishes of different things I wondered how she had cooked it all on her little stove. Nanny loved to dress up in her button hats and knitted coats. She looked so warm and happy in them. She was the best and I loved her very much.

Anonymous said...

Nanny and Kiki were great holiday cooks, specially on Thanksgiving and Christmas

Inner Elder said...

Thank you for remembering with me. Oh yes, I remember it well. They were great cooks - from Nanny cakes and pot roast and that special mail brown turnips to Aunt Kate cookies. Whenever I am reminded to drink my tea (heavily diluted with milk) before it gets cold, I think of Kiki and her cold cups of tea. She even used the same tea bag 2 or 3 times!

Kathy & Rich said...

I love your memories of Nannie and of course I remember a few of my own - like when she would bang on the floor that we had a telephone call (and when she fell down calling me to the phone and I had to do work for her to atone for it). I think we got a phone after that - I must have really complained about it.
She always was ready to give so much - playing cards, and how about the St. Nicholas stockings hanging behind her door. And counting cookies as Jimmy was under the table stealing them. Who could forget going to the beach with Nannie - and changing clothes as she & Kiki held towels around us??? How about teaching us to sew? She made my dresses for the processions in church and my donkey costume for a play. And so close to election day - remember she would vote democratic, even if the donkey ran. I could go on and on about what fun it was to grow up with your grandparents (and godparent) living with you.
Love,
Kathy