Christmas Blessings to All!

It's been awhile but I've been busy! You can read about it below.

Christmas Blessings to All!

I am grateful for 2011, a year that opened up new friendships and possibilities. I led a 5 part workshop on late life spirituality at Mariandale in the Spring, began training to become a docent at the NY Botanical Gardens in the Fall and have been volunteering there as well. The Spiritual Heart contemplative formation program began in February; we've had 3 weekend retreats and monthly small groups. I feel blessed to have found even more companions on the journey.

When my good friend Sister Noreen retired from her ministry at our parish in April, she invited me to lead the senior spirituality group she started. What an awesome gift this group has been to me! One of my Met Club friends introduced me to the Dobbs Ferry Women's Club and I am now a member, enjoying the monthly book discussions and other activities. Sadly, we lost a dear friend Terry, who was in our monthly Met Club circle of ex-Catholic Charities colleagues. Terry was also in my spirituality workshop and will be missed dearly.

Great news! My daughter Tina published her first book of comic strips and comments on homeschooling. Tina has had a blog for years and we are delighted to have her wise and witty art in old fashioned book form. You can get it on Amazon – No School Today? by Cristina Ramos-Payne. Marina continues to do well – honors – at college. Sierra's blog contains her unique 9 year old perspective on life – it's even generated a bit of controversy. Chase improves steadily on his acoustic guitar and learned Happy Birthday as a surprise for my 70th.

The year did have its share of losses. Aunt Grace and Uncle Steve, my Dad's brother, passed away this year. My cousin Cindy died in June after a long illness. Cindy was such a dynamic person and left behind quite a legacy. We visited our cousins in Pennsylvania in May and again last month when Lisa and family came for a visit to New York. I also got to spend some time with them this summer. It's always a treat to be in California. I even got to join in an old fashioned 4th of July parade with Jackson and Aidan!

My son Angel, Sylvia and Sam have all moved to their new home in Pittsburgh; I miss them and look forward to seeing them early next year. I see my sister Kathy often, though she is busy with her new grandbaby Hope, born June 2nd. We love seeing Hope and hearing her sweet laughter, along with her big brothers Braden and Dylan. Angel's nieces Guli, Damaris and Carolina visited from Puerto Rico – on the hottest day of the year!

I resigned from my part time job at the NY Citizens Committee on Aging. So doors close and windows open. But my dear family and friends remain. I am so grateful for you all. I look forward to even more adventures in 2012. May you enjoy a Christmas and new year blessed with peace, health and many moments of sheer delight!

Christmas Letter 2010

Merry Christmas to All!

2010 was a most challenging year, one that forced me to face my aging in a scary way. I was hampered by a cough and hoarseness all Spring. Then in June I suffered a stress fracture and in October a bout with diverticulitis. These maladies changed my life in significant ways, including my part time work in the city and my daily walking routine. But I learned much from the experiences – that I am not in complete control; that Angel, my friends and family provide generous loving support; and that perhaps it is time for me to slow down and dig deep. So off I am in new directions: leading a series of workshops on late life spirituality and looking forward to a Contemplative Formation program at Mariandale next year.

Many celebrations to report. In May we had a combo-gala for the 3 Payne grandchildren's birthdays, Chase's confirmation and Sierra's First Communion, plus Angel's 70th. And how fantastic when Lisa surprised us with a visit in time for the party! Marina started taking a class at the community college, while continuing her job at the library. Chase is pursuing film classes, along with tae kwan do. Sierra was a helpful companion when I was convalescing from my fracture. My son Angel got a new job in Pennsylvania, and grandson Sam took classes in the gifted program at Montclair State University. Now they will have to move. The California grandkids – Aidan and Jackson are now at the same school, and doing great with ice hockey lessons. I missed seeing them this year.

My sister Kathy is a great pal and we get together often. After a difficult pregnancy, my niece Audra had a healthy baby boy in February; Dylan's smile lights up my heart! We love seeing him and his big brother Braden. My Pennsylvania cousins paid a visit with their cousin from England in June. Like myself, so many family and friends faced health challenges this year: my cousin Cindy, brother-in-law Jose, my friends Arleen and Sister Pat. Happily all are on the mend. But it makes you stop and ponder.

I am so grateful for my friends, who I meet with often: Pat N.; Peter and Ann; John and Bea. Connected with Sr. Jean Canora and Pat Healey from Catholic Charities days. And my “Met Club” friends pushed me around the Garden in a wheel chair when I couldn't travel. I am truly inspired by all the wonderful people that God has blessed me with.

The book in which I contributed a chapter was published – Spiritual and Psychological Aspects of Illness (Paulist Press).

2010 may have been trying at times but it was also filled with blessings. And so I look forward with great hope to 2011. May you all enjoy a Christmas season and new year of peace, health and moments of sheer delight!

Christmas Letter 2009

Merry Christmas to All!

As another year speeds to a close, I am grateful for many blessings: family and friends; new adventures and opportunities to grow. My health continues to be stable and I get plenty of exercise walking to my part time job in lower Manhattan and in my beloved Botanical Gardens.

What a glorious time my granddaughter and I had in Italy on the Cathedral HS trip in February, thanks to my pal Sister P. We toured Rome, Pisa, Venice and even San Marino; but our favorite city was Florence. I will never forget the early morning trek over snow slicked cobblestones in Assisi to attend Mass at the basilica. In August I visited my daughter and her family in California and was there for the big fires. Scary! We also took mini-trips to San Francisco, Ft. Ross, the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose, and Legoland.

My daughter Tina is still home schooling and doing her amazing comic strips on her blog (you can get there by clicking onto "My daughter's blog" on the sidebar). Chase is 13 and growing taller and handsomer by the day, with his curly dark hair and dimples. Sierra has enjoyed more time with us; one day she accompanied Angel to the Senior Center plus trips to the Zoo and Gardens with me! My son coaches Sam's Little League team and we went to a game to see Sam pitch. Also enjoyed Sam's Celebration of Learning Day in May and a minor league ballgame in July.

We spent lots of time with my sister Kathy and family and her new grandson Braden. Kathy and I took a trip to Pennsylvania on Halloween weekend to visit all of my H. cousins' new houses. It is a joy being with them and their families. I am looking forward to being together with all my siblings - Kathy, Jim, John and Jeff - to celebrate the 100th anniversary of our Dad's birth on December 28th.


A theme of 2009 - friends. I even wrote a poem, "Shoes". From the past - got to visit my dear friend Mary, 94 years young, in California and was surprised by a visit from the H.'s, Ann and John. Frequent friends - Pat N. and I saw South Pacific on Broadway. Wow! My Met Club pals meet faithfully every month. Phone friends A. and cousin Jan call often. New friends from my job and from my Spirituality Group.

Just like me, my "toys" are aging, so I bought a new car and a new laptop - thank you Reed for setting it up. I co-authored a blog about elder poverty on inforumusa.org, and have a chapter in a book to be published next Spring. Happily many poems came to me this year. Click on the sidebar to read a few.

Although 2009 was a challenging time economically for many of us, it gives you an opportunity to put things in perspective, to understand what really matters in life. And to realized you don't really need all that much stuff. And so I look forward with great hope to 2010.

Holidays Over

Can Christmas be over already? Where does the time go? Has anyone else noticed that time passes more swiftly these days? Not that many are sad to see 2008 behind us. Yet, today for my first blog of the new year 2009, I prefer to dwell on the positive.

Lets see .... Christmas was hectic but happy this year. Dinner was at my house and we worked hard, especially Angel, to make it delicious and welcoming. It was great to see my sister and brother-in-law, my brother Jeff and his family and of course, my daughter Tina and family crowded into our tiny living room. But we all got to enjoy our meal - buffet style - and open presents. There seemed to be so many bags and boxes that it took me several days to discern who gave us what. So many lovely thoughtful gifts - especially the homemade knitted variety and the home baked yummy ones! The company and warmth of family - that's what mattered most.

After Christmas we joined my son and family for lunch and a movie. It's always a joy to be with Sam, growing so strong and handsome. The celebration continued yesterday at Jeff's and we got to see Claudia, Rob and Adrian and more family.

So I start 2009 grateful for family, for the hope of a new president and hope for the economy. I pray that this year will be a healthy one for us all.

December Poems

It's time for the "December" poems. One is from long ago .... must have been a very wet month that year. Or maybe it was my "too much to do" blues talking.

DECEMBER DAYS

D defines DECEMBER,
DISMAL DAYS beyond DESPAIR
DROWNING me in DANKEST DEW.

DRENCHING DREARINESS abounds,
DRIZZLING DARKNESS deep within
my DREAD-full hidden DUNGEON.

WHERE is my S? my SEPTEMBER.
WHERE is my SUN? my SALVATION.

© E.M. Ramos December 23, 1996

I was on jury duty this week. One thing, jury duty gives you lots of time to wait, and to write. So I finished a poem, the first I've written in many months. Enjoy the pre-Christmas frenzy, but take time to slow down and contemplate the reason for the season....

December ‘08

December’s sun burns cold.
It comforts not at all.
Christmas trees snicker at
malls making merry
while wintry Wall Street
winds wail.

Advent’s vigil turns up
the volume, squeezing
the last drop of silence
down the drain.

STOP sprinting and slow down.
LOOK deep within for warmth.
LISTEN for Him born
homeless and poor.

Breathe in the Light of the world,
the ultimate Christmas presence.

© E.M. Ramos October 9, 2008

More Old time memories .....

More about Holiday Time in the olden days.....

I think it was good luck to eat pickled herring on New Years Eve but why, I have no idea. I never questioned superstitions when I was a kid. I figured whatever might help, go for it! I never stepped on cracks in the sidewalk or walked under ladders either. And I ran when I spied a black cat ( now I know why you shouldn't let them cross your path!) The only "bad" luck I had with a good luck charm was a rabbits foot that I lost. When I found it many months later under my bed, all the fur had fallen off and it was a skeleton foot. Yuch!

Yes, Tina there was a fire in the house 2 doors away on Christmas eve many many years ago. It was scary. Lisa probably remembers more about that family, which had a boy her age and a girl your age. The father was a fireman, which was ironic, because I think it was all the extra Christmas lights that caused the fire. Happily, no one was hurt and the fire did not spread to the other homes. Sadly, the family moved shortly afterwards. Happily, Linda moved there! Another strange thing that night of the fire. Suddenly Uncle Jim appeared at our house, a surprise visit from Florida or California.

Yes, kids. There were Salvation Army bell ringers way back then. The musical "Guys and Dolls" was based on a Damon Runyan story that featured a romance between a Salvation Army worker and a gambler. I remember the Salvation Army bell ringers outside Macys when Nanny took me Christmas shopping. Just like Chase and I met them at the mall last week. When I worked for Catholic Charities, I understood the very good social work that the Salvation Army does and I always try to support them.

Grandma's Story - Chapter 2 Part 2 "Christmas"

Continuing the story of the holidays back when I was a kid ...... the first part of this Chapter is on my November 23rd blog. "Grandma's Story" is being written for my grandkids in "grandkid language".

Chapter 2, Part 2

Our family celebrated St. Nicholas Day on December 6th. We hung up our stockings, actually they were Kiki’s long nylons, with our Christmas list attached. And the next morning, the stockings would be filled with fruit, German cookies, candy and toys, their toes bulging with oranges and apples. But the list would be gone!

We always bought our Christmas Tree and trimmed it on Christmas Eve, which was a very special day in our family. One of my favorite smells is Christmas tree; don’t you love the smell of Christmas? I loved seeing all the old familiar ornaments each year and adding to our collection. I remember when we bought the little wax ornaments: snowmen, Santa, angels – now there’s only one left. And how excited we kids were when Dad bought the first bubble lights. We all helped Dad decorate the tree. My sister Kathy would put the statues of Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, angel and wise men in the stable with the blue light.

We would hear Santa’s jingle bells in my grandmother’s house and then run into her living room to open our presents. Afterwards, we’d go down to my house and open more presents. My Mom would usually finish her Christmas shopping and wrapping just minutes before we opened our gifts. One year Santa showed up and we got to see him in person in our own house! Boy, were my brothers surprised. I remember a very special Christmas gift: a Sparkle Plenty doll, that drank from a bottle and wet! Sparkle Plenty was a character in the Dick Tracy comic strip when I was a kid. But the best surprise gift ever was a Hi Fi Stereo from my Dad. It played records and had speakers. That was long before ipods and CD’s and even tapes. I spent many happy hours listening to my music on that stereo. What was your best Christmas gift ever?

Before my cousins moved to Pennsylvania, we would go to their house for more presents. All the gift giving was done on Christmas Eve. Christmas day was for church to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus. I remember how grown up I felt the first time I was allowed to go to Midnight Mass with Nanny and Kiki. After Mass on Christmas day, Dad took us to visit relatives and friends who lived nearby. When I got older, I would visit my friends on Christmas morning, see their trees and presents, and exchange gifts.

We always ate at my grandmother’s on Christmas and we always had turkey. Back then no one made turkey except on Thanksgiving and Christmas. But the very special treat for my family was Aunt Kate cookies - Aunt Kate was Pop-Pop’s sister and she lived 4 or 5 blocks away. She baked her famous cookies only at Christmas and we have passed down her recipe from generation to generation. I will make sure you have the recipe to pass on to your kids!

On Christmas afternoon, we went to visit Grandma and Grandpa L. and all my L. cousins. After Grandpa retired, he went to live with Aunt Anna, my Dad’s sister. She lived on Long Island and driving back from her house was the first time we saw houses decorated with Christmas lights. It was so beautiful and so exciting. I used to paint Christmas scenes on our windows facing the street but it was a long time before anyone put lights in city windows.

Later on, Grandma and Grandpa moved to New Jersey to live with Aunt Elizabeth. On the way to the George Washington bridge I liked to see the giant ships on the Hudson River and dream about taking a cruise to Europe. When we saw Palisades Amusement Park (it’s not around anymore) across the river, we knew we were almost there.

Let me tell you about the Christmas of 1947. That year I prayed and prayed for a white Christmas. Well, it began to snow the day after Christmas on December 26th. It was a blizzard! It snowed and snowed and I thought it would never stop. The snow hills were higher than me and I was scared. I asked my Mom why it wouldn’t stop snowing and she said that maybe some kids were still praying for snow. I couldn’t understand that at all.

But snow was so much fun for us city kids in those days. We would “ski” down the snow hills in the street and make dams of the icy, slushy water. Our woolen snow suits would be soaked and freezing when we came in from playing. And do you know what happened to all the Christmas trees afterwards? When the people threw them away on the street? On my block the teenage boys would gather them up and light a giant bonfire – right in front of my house, where the fire hydrant was. One day I was in Nanny’s living room and saw the orange flames leap up to the second floor. That was really dangerous! I am very glad that no one thinks of doing that nowadays.

In the old days, Nanny’s sister Annie and her family would come to our house on New Year’s Eve. There were a lot of those cousins too. We always had to eat pickled herring on New Year’s Eve – it was good luck or something. On New Year’s Day my Mom got to cook and we all gathered at our house to have ham and Mom’s famous pineapple ring and cottage cheese salad, with a cherry on top.

So you see. Holidays for us were always about family and friends. Just like today in your time. Some things don’t change.

December 10, 2005

My Christmas Letter

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Well I thought that retirement meant lots of free time to reflect and relax. Wrong! 2007 has flown by at warp speed and I am busier than ever. My part time job at the NY Citizens’ Committee on Aging is blossoming, as our elder poverty project has struck a chord with the aging and advocacy communities. After many rejections, we got a grant in November that will fund our work into next year.

Outings with friends are now a monthly event – whether its lunch with my pal Pat, museum-hopping with the “Met Club”, or chatting with e-buddies, I am enjoying these treasured friendships. In June I made a week long retreat on the Hudson; the theme was “Transitions”, a timely topic indeed. Most exciting, with the help of my blogging daughter, Tina, I began my own blog in July, where I share my thoughts and poems on the world wide web. And I am also working on a chapter for the new Partners in Healing book. Plus I finally caved into the Harry Potter hoopla and read all seven books. Wow!

The year began on a scary note when my “baby” brother Jeff suffered a heart attack only days before his 52nd birthday. Thankfully, he is now doing well. If you know me at all, you know how much I value family, where the joys and sorrows of life are lived. And so Jeff became a Grandpa when Adrian was born on 07/07/07. Then sadly, we lost my dear Aunt Alice very suddenly the end of July. She was the matriarch of the Pennsylvania branch of the family; now all the elders of my childhood days are gone. Suddenly I am the oldest – Yikes!

Time spent with family is precious: My husband accompanies his brother to the senior center daily. We both enjoyed trips to Longwood Gardens and the Bronx Botanical Gardens with my sister and brother-in-law, Kathy and Rich. We visited my Dad’s younger sister, Aunt Elizabeth (age 88) and her family for the first time in years. The highlight of the family year was the wedding of Audra and Brian in September. The whole Pennsylvania clan was there, along with my brother Jim from California with his family. Just what I like - a huge family Lovefest! Best news of all – Audra will present my sister Kathy with her 1st grandchild next year!

My granddaughter Marina had a banner year: winning 3rd place in her town’s poetry competition; serving a 3 week internship at the Bronx Zoo in August; and being confirmed in October. She even got braces! Chase and my son-in-law joined us at a Mets game in July, hosted by Primerica; Chase is now going for his Bodan Belt in Tae Kwan Do. Sierra started home school Kindergarten and is becoming quite proficient on the computer, especially Zoo Tycoon. Tina’s blog and comics are receiving recognition; she’s been invited to write for a home school magazine.

My son, daughter-in-law and grandson Sam took us to a minor league ball game on his company night in June. My son got a job promotion and finished paralegal courses this year. Daughter Lisa and family just returned to California after a long visit; it is amazing how big Jackson and Aidan are getting. Aidan has some powerful arm for a 2 year old! Watch out, A-rod! We enjoyed an old fashioned Family Thanksgiving in Pennsylvania with Lisa’s family and all the Pennsylvania cousins.

If you want to know more about my adventures during 2007 or would like to read my poems, I invite you to visit my blog at http://innerelder.blogspot.com. Especially the December entries. Meanwhile, I wish you all a happy, healthy 2008! Keep in touch!

Clutter-free Gifts

So how do we free ourselves from adding to the clutter caused by more Christmas gifts? I like what my sister did this year. Kathy is the generosity guru of the family. This Christmas she treated the whole family to Cirque du Soleil at Madison Square Garden. Now this is great. It’s a shared experience with those we love, great fun and best of all, it doesn’t take up any space in our house (unless you buy a souvenir).

I have given Kathy trips – that’s how we discovered Longwood Gardens – and treated family or friends to dinner or a show. A gifting experience that is remembered fondly and doesn’t add to our treasure troves. To really hit the spot, these should be shared experiences. Then you get the best present of all – the gifter’s presence to enjoy the dinner or show with you.

Personally, I love gifts that you can literally eat up. My hubby and I have gobbled up fruit baskets, fruit cakes (yes, we love fruit cake), homemade Aunt Kate cookies, etc. etc. And we never forget who sent us these treats. My friend Mary sends us a 2 lb. box of See’s Chocolates from San Francisco each year and we think of her with each sweet bite. Even though this gift sends my Weight Watcher points sky rocketing.

And then there are the “contribution gifts”. My son likes us to donate to favorite charities, like Doctors Without Borders in their honor. This idea has become more imaginative lately because people still like a tangible token, along with their altruism. This year the World Wildlife Fund had a great gimmick – adopt an endangered animal and receive a certificate and photo of “your” animal. I got one for each of my grandkids and threw in a stuffed animal for the youngest three. Anyway, it’s a wonderful way to honor a friend, support a cause and get a tax deduction. And best of all – it takes up no space at all!

Gifting Games 2

The List Game also facilitates another gifting game – creative gift management or varying your gifts from year to year to prevent recipient boredom. Of course some people I know like to get the same gift – which is why my brother is getting yet another Swiss Colony package this Christmas. And I confess I would never tire of a Barnes and Noble gift card from here to eternity.

Games to curb our over-gifting tendencies include “Silent Santa”. Put the names of all members of a group in a hat; each person picks one name, which equals one gift each. How about the Competition Game? It goes like this: “Well I put so much thought or spent so much money on her gift and look what she gave me!” Doesn’t this defeat the purpose of gift giving? I struggle to give up this outdoing game lest it escalate into bankruptcy. Not to mention petty resentments, hurt feelings and other negative baggage I can do without.

Many good people I know have tried to curb the gifting frenzy. But sometimes it just doesn’t work. People are where they’re at and we must honor that. There may be a whole psychology of giving, for all I know. Meanwhile, it is much easier to give than to receive.

Gifting Games

Do you play gifting games? I guess the most famous is “Re-gifting”, where you put aside a gift that you think you will never use and give it to someone else. Of course, the trick is to never give the “re-gift” back to the original giver or to anyone in his circle.

To prevent re-gifting embarrassment, I play another game – Lists, a favorite of OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) sufferers. I keep yearly lists of all the gifts I give and to whom plus gifts I receive and from whom. That way, if I decide to re-gift something, I won’t give it to the “wrong” person. Now, this may sound terribly insensitive or even worse, ungrateful, but admit it. Who amongst us has never played the Re-gifting Game? In fact in some primitive cultures, it’s a revered tradition.

Those who practice re-gifting may be interested in an experimental game we played back in Grad School. Players place an unwanted possession, nicely gift-wrapped, before them on the floor or table. Using a spinner or dice, players choose any gift in exchange for their own when it’s their turn. After several rounds the gifts are unwrapped. As the game advanced, it was amazing to observe how players reacted when their “unwanted” gifts were prized by others. They began to fight to get them back and many went home with what they brought! Hey! This may even be a way to cut down on the overgifting syndrome known to plague 21st century families.

Guiltless Gift Giving

Some years ago my friend Sister P. came up with a great Christmas project at our agency: “Adopt-a-Family”. The idea was to match a poor family with those who wanted to do something charitable for the holidays. Only needed items, like clothing or household items were listed on the recipient’s profile. But of course, the adopters, who were recruited from the Archdiocese’s parishes, usually outdid themselves, supplying toys and games along with the sweaters and blankets.

I know many religious congregations have versions of Adopt-a-Family – there are Jesse Trees and in my parish, we have paper Angels that the children color: on the back it simply says “4 year old boy” or “Woman size large”. I think it’s a wonderful idea. Because it brings together those who love to shop with those who really do need stuff! A win win opportunity if ever there was one. Or what I liked to call “guilt free shopping”.

Christmas Shopping Season

With mixed feelings, I embrace that most frenzied time of year yet again - Christmas Shopping Season. I have mentioned before my love-hate relationship with Malls. Too much stuff, too much choice, too much temptation. Advent, the period of reflection and waiting, has instead become the Shopping Olympics of my year. So why do I succumb?

That brings us to the subject of "gift giving" and all the baggage that weighs it down. Gifts, in my family, were a way of showing affection. We were not raised to be particularly demonstrative, physically. So birthdays and Christmas were an opportunity to demonstrate our love for each other. As a child and young adult, I worked feverishly to find the perfect gift for each of my loved ones. Sometimes I made the gifts myself, like the year I made pastel paintings of nature scenes to give my Dad and Grandmother for Christmas. I even spent hours on creative wrappings. Maybe it was more about my creative efforts being recognized and appreciated than about expressing love. In truth, it was all of it.

I learned from the masters of gift giving - my Mom and Dad. Mom loved to shop. She gifted her family all through the year with bargains she uncovered in hidden racks at Bloomies and all her favorite stores. Once when I complained that Mom could not afford her generosity to me and my kids, my brother John wisely observed that it was her way of expressing her love for us. And I accepted that. So Christmas was the "mother" of all shopping sprees for Mom. She shopped up to the final hour and had her gifts wrapped only moments before we exchanged them on Christmas Eve.

For Dad, his gifts were tied up with the "bow" of his own self-esteem. If the gifts he so thoughtfully planned did not elicit the hoped for, enthusiastic delight on the part of the recipient, he felt painfully rejected. So I remember fondly his Christmas surprise to me one year during my teens - a stereo! (For all you younguns', a stereo in those days was today's I-pod.) Anyway, that was the perfect gift for me and I hadn't a clue. Looking back, I feel happy that my joy at that gift gave Dad even more joy. Now I understand.

This is too hot a topic to drop. So "shopping" and "gifts" will be featured in my pre-Christmas blogs and maybe I will blog more this month. Besides, I'm off to the Mall now. To do some Christmas shopping! And then to spend time with the best Christmas gift I ever received - my daughter Tina. Happy Birthday Tina!