Legacy

Many years ago, when I was 8 or 9 years old, my aunt gave me a little pendant. It was a lucite heart with a tiny pink rose inside. She had bought it to help out a cousin who was out of work and selling them to tide his family over. I loved this little heart and wore it all the time.

Last December, I lost the little lucite heart pendant with the rose inside. I was heartbroken. You see, I had planned to leave it to my granddaughter; it was to be her legacy.

Now it was gone. I discovered it missing when I got home from my walk in the Botanical garden. I felt for it and oh no! there was the open chain around my neck but no pendant. I searched and searched. When my husband got home I was in tears. I called Lost & Found and went back to the Café the next day to search, retracing my steps, asking the staff to search. But finally, despite my prayers to St. Anthony, I knew it was gone. I couldn’t even tell anyone at first - I felt the same dull gut feeling of loss, like after my house was robbed, like after the terrible diagnoses of the past years, like after deaths of loved ones.

Why did I feel so devastated about a “thing”? And I came to realize it was really about keep me alive. My memory would live on in Marina, my granddaughter. When she wore the pendant she would remember me, how I loved the little locket, how I loved her. I would not be forgotten. I would live on somehow, through her. Was this a way of avoiding facing the reality of my own mortality? Of avoiding looking at death, time running out, and choosing to live life fully whatever time I have left. What opportunity, what dangerous opportunity did this loss, this “stripping” bring me today in this NOW moment. Humility? I am who I am. Marina is who she is. The mystery of how we “live” in others, the connection - well it’s a mystery to me.

I know I hold Marina in my heart. As I hold my grandmother in my heart. When I pray each morning. When Christmas comes and I think on the old days of Christmas Eves at Nanny’s and midnight Mass. When I do the jumble and think of her at the table each night, calmly and quietly pealing her orange, doing the jumble. What faith and love she (and all my forbears) left to me. What a legacy! How beautiful is the faith and love in Marina. It lives on.

And there’s a wonderful postscript to this story!

On Mothers Day I received a new pendant and it was a gift of love. My daughter Tina, Marina’s Mom, searched for a pendant on the internet to replace the lucite heart with the rose that I had lost. When she couldn’t find one she made me a pendant with a rose inside! Poured the resin into the mold and placed a little rose there. (You can see a picture of it by linking to "my daughter's blog" on the sidebar - then go to "A Heart full of Memories" May 8, 2011.) Just her desire to replace the lost heart that broke my heart fills me with humbling awe. Now this new pendant has an even better meaning and legacy that the 60 year old one that I lost. This new one represents the pure unselfish love of daughter for mother. It is a new symbol to treasure. Legacy. What connects us to the past and to the future.

6/2/2011

Holidays Over

Can Christmas be over already? Where does the time go? Has anyone else noticed that time passes more swiftly these days? Not that many are sad to see 2008 behind us. Yet, today for my first blog of the new year 2009, I prefer to dwell on the positive.

Lets see .... Christmas was hectic but happy this year. Dinner was at my house and we worked hard, especially Angel, to make it delicious and welcoming. It was great to see my sister and brother-in-law, my brother Jeff and his family and of course, my daughter Tina and family crowded into our tiny living room. But we all got to enjoy our meal - buffet style - and open presents. There seemed to be so many bags and boxes that it took me several days to discern who gave us what. So many lovely thoughtful gifts - especially the homemade knitted variety and the home baked yummy ones! The company and warmth of family - that's what mattered most.

After Christmas we joined my son and family for lunch and a movie. It's always a joy to be with Sam, growing so strong and handsome. The celebration continued yesterday at Jeff's and we got to see Claudia, Rob and Adrian and more family.

So I start 2009 grateful for family, for the hope of a new president and hope for the economy. I pray that this year will be a healthy one for us all.

It's Great to Hear from YOU!

I am pleasantly surprised with the interest in my blogs about my career in Gerontology. Today on the radio there was a piece about the shortage of geriatricians and other professionals in the field of aging. Given the rapid aging of America's and the world's population, this is a crisis already arrived. However, young people, this is also an exciting opportunity for you. Enter a field that needs you. That is never boring. And that has endless possibilities.

I look forward to writing the next installment of "My Career in Aging" which will deal with "what do you do all day, anyway?" But this week, in addition to my "retirement" job as Executive Director of the New York Citizens Committee on Aging, I am also finishing up a chapter for a friend's book about ministering to the sick and dying. So tune in next week for more on my career.

Once again I want to thank you all for your comments. Thank you Maryellen for inspiring me. Thank you Teresa for reminding us that "the best age is the age you are". We need to take care of our health, body and soul, at any age. Tina, you are wise indeed - one can live, thrive and grow no matter what - life is precious, as you know. A special thanks to purpleflowerpatch for the Excellent Blog Award. I am grateful!

One More Thank You Blog

I see that 2008 will be another rush rush year. Never got to do my series on gratitude. But I will take time today to publicly thank the Lord for my three children and six grandchildren. I am very blessed indeed.

Our three children are very close in age, only three years separate my son and my youngest daughter. We didn't plan it that way, yet I am convinced that it worked out great. I waited till they were in school to start my career track, getting my Masters in Gerontology at age 40 and going on from there. I don't know how mothers do it today, balancing career and family. Or having their career first and then starting a family. Raising 3 toddlers in my twenties was exhausting for me, in fact those years are a blur!

My son and two daughters were intelligent, talented, beautiful kids, who went to the best schools and who grew up to be good people, with strong values, social consciences and a love of nature. Those of you who visit my youngest daughter's blog know all about her artistic and literary achievements. My son is also talented in art and writing. And my daughter in California is a gifted photographer and poet.

Our children are all married and have given us six fabulous grandkids. Four of them live close by so we get to see each other often. Our two youngest grandsons from California just spent a few weeks visiting. All six are intelligent, gorgeous kids, with unique talents, who show great promise. When I learn how to post pictures, you will see that I'm not kidding.

Yes I am one grateful Grandma, as the year 2008 gets going. Now I'm off to indulge in my favorite sport: walking - in my favorite place, the Bronx Botanical Garden. And am I ever thankful for that piece of Paradise in my own backyard!

Ending the Year with a Thank You

I think the best way to celebrate the end of another year is with gratitude. I am grateful to have survived another year; it's nice to be 66 years old and in good health. So for the next several days I will be giving thanks on my blog for all of my blessings in 2007.

Today I give thanks for my family. And I will begin by being grateful for my husband of 43 years. Although we have had many stormy times over the past year (make that years), there is probably no one else that would have put up with me for so long. And vice versa. I am grateful for the strengths I have developed from being his wife. He encouraged me to get my Masters degree and to pursue a career, in the days when husbands didn't want their wives to work. My perspectives have been broadened just because he looks at life so differently from the way I do. Thanks to him, I finally learned how to smile more and take life a bit less seriously. And thanks to him, I developed my patience to the level of a saint! But most of all I thank him for our three children, without whom we would not have our six grandchildren. More about them tomorrow.

Here's another hint. Whenever you feel blue or depressed, start giving thanks for your blessings. It really works!

An Early Thanksgiving

I have been so busy lately that my blog has suffered. As I revisited my autumn poems to share, I did notice that they seem a bit sad and it surprised me; it certainly wasn't intentional. It seems that Autumn in New York has become a November rather than October happening. Today, as I looked up at the sky, I thought: "That's a November sky all right." And I remembered the following poem.

An Early Thanksgiving

That’s a November sky up there
Dark clouded circles drooping from its heavy lidded eyes
Frosty breath chasing fingers into pockets
Planting autumn’s answers in the
Deep down dirt of harvesting hearts
That walk along the noisy banks of the silent river
Pondering the taste of pumpkin memories
Singing in the shower of leaves
Their sacred songs, a glorious chorus of joyous hues
As gratitude graces a new generation of pilgrims.

Copyright Eleanor Ramos 10/23/04

Happy Thanksgiving to all!