Happy 2012!

I came upon this old poem of mine quite by accident and thought it was fitting to post for the new year. May all your dreams and wishes come true in 2012!

The Broken Fence

The broken fence
calls to me
‘round the bend
’midst the trees
shading the path.
It moves me to tears.
I don’t know why.

This imperfect scene
would lose its appeal
should the fence
be made whole
I don’t know why.

It gives me pause.
It gives me hope.
I don’t know why.

On my cloud shrouded road
littered with broken dreams
uncompleted work
so much to do
the broken fence
along the way
is all I need
today.
I think I know why.

© E.M. Ramos 5/26/2009

Time to Slow Down

Here’s a poem my spiritual director shared with us.

A Lazy Thought

by Eve Merriam

There go the grownups
To the office,
To the store.
Subway rush,
Traffic crush;
Hurry, scurry,
Worry, flurry.

No wonder
Grownups
Don’t grow up
Any more.
It takes a lot
Of slow
To grow.

The other day I called a dear friend. She’s 97 years old. She complained of being so tired, so slow. Summer is for slowing down - it should be conducive to contemplation.

But it takes a lot of slow to grow, as the poem says. We want to go, go, go. So we can forget the pain of who we are - deep, deep down. Where the real “me” is waiting to become all she is meant to become. Waiting to be discovered and embraced.

It’s summer. Slow down. Be “useless” as Henri Nouwen says. Hang out with God. It’s slow time, like the old age time of life. Grow time.

Where's My Feet?

As I was walking in the Garden the other day, hurrying along, I wondered why I hadn’t been inspired to write any poems lately. And wouldn’t you know - a poem popped out of nowhere. Well actually it came from my feet.

Where’s My Feet?

I can’t feel my feet.
Now that can’t be good.
Oh Lord, please don’t take
away my feet.
I need them, you see,
to visit your precious
places;
to explore new paths.
You know how I love
to go go go
out out out.
Surely You don’t
expect me to
just sit still
and be
quiet
waiting
- You know how I
hate waiting -
for You
to speak.

© E.M. Ramos 3/29/2011

Now I realized that this poem was really about my resistance to sitting quietly and meditating. And since I had to sit on a bench to write the poem down before I forgot it, I took the time to spend a few moments in silence. Which is very hard to do. For just as my feet want to hurry along, my thoughts and distractions act like they have running shoes on too!

Of Gods and Men

Of Gods and Men

It is a rare occurrence to come across a film that is like watching a prayer unfold. “Of Gods and Men” is that film and a wonderful choice for Lenten viewing.

The true story is about 8 French monks living in a monastery in an African country in the 1990’s. They are integrated into the impoverished Moslem community, serving their neighbors through a clinic and sharing their celebrations. They live an impoverished prayerful life, chanting, meditating, gardening, even selling their honey at the local market.

Then fundamentalist terrorists, at war with the government, change everything - foreigners are murdered; violence strikes. And fear takes over the life of the villagers and the monastery. The monks struggle with the decision - to stay or to leave. Their fear is palpable, the acting is that superb.

Finally after each one’s soul searching, the monks unanimously decide to stay. This is their home. They do not seek martyrdom; they take precautions. But … I will not reveal the ending because I strongly urge you to see this film.

What a tremendous lesson in faith! I really connected with all these men, each strong and weak in his own way. The stark landscape, psalms and chanting add to the artistry of this film. Most of all the facial expressions as the monks agonize over their situation - you feel the fear, the faith, the joy.

A powerful and moving story of faith and Christian living. I recommend it, especially for Lent.

PS You can google the website. Sorry, still don’t know how to do links.

Spirituality of Late Life - Part 4

For other entries on Spirituality of Late Life see Spirituality of Late Life Part 1 below.

DEFINITION OF LATE LIFE SPIRITUALITY

So what is Spirituality of Later Life?

The second half of life offers many opportunities for spiritual growth. Late life is often a period of intense inner activity - a sorting out of decisions, relationships and commitments made during one’s lifetime. Psychologists call this process life review. Spiritual directors tell us that this looking inward can be a critical time of spiritual growth or crisis, as one comes to terms with the successes and failures of a life time. For one building on a lifetime of spiritual connection, it can be a period of great deepening of one’s relationship with God and others. As one nears the end of one’s journey, and realizes that much will be left incomplete, one can encounter the enormity of a God who accepts us and loves us unconditionally with all our faults and imperfections.

The many losses of aging - physical impairments, decreased mobility, chronic conditions, retirement from careers, empty nests, loss of loved ones - present a unique opportunity to reflect on the meaning of life and on one’s own life in particular. When one is stripped bare of material ambition, independence and even relationships, one faces one’s powerlessness in a very special way. The full reality of God’s love as gift can be experienced and the contemplative ideal of simply resting in God’s embrace may be realized. Of course, without spiritual guidance and support, this might well be a time of isolation and fear. The idea that older people are safely past spiritual crisis is a stereotype: each person grows or regresses in the spiritual life, at their own pace.

The spiritual odyssey of later life can be a challenge to those who are used to being productive; at the same time, it is an inner journey which can bear much fruit. For most Americans, interiority is a concept alien to our cultural bias for productivity. It is difficult to learn how to be still and silent, so one may discover God’s presence within. It is also painful and scary to look inside; older people, much like the young, seek noisy distractions to avoid the pain. Exploring Late Life Spirituality together in groups that foster faith sharing and reflection can be a help for us on this quest. Learning how to see God’s presence in one’s own life experiences, with the gentle support of companions on the journey, can be the greatest blessing of later life.

Spirituality of Late Life - Part 3

For other entries on Spirituality of Late Life see Spirituality of Late Life Part 1 below.

While I worked for Catholic Charities for 25 years, I oversaw various programs for older persons. Ministry to Seniors was our finest hour, training volunteers in the parishes of the Archdiocese to reach out to their elder congregants in various ways including visits to the homebound. One of the parish programs we initiated were Senior Spirituality Groups, which are faith sharing groups for older adults who wish to grow in their spiritual lives. Facilitated by trained leaders, the participants:

Reflected on their life experiences and God’s presence throughout.
Discussed spiritual aspects of everyday life and concerns.
Shared their unique faith journey with one another.

Prayed for the needs of group members.

The senior years can be a very challenging time of life; perhaps a time to become aware of the “new life” trying to emerge, to seek new opportunities for prayer and union with God, to “meditate and search our spirit“.

We might take time to reflect on our own life experiences and God’s presence throughout, or perhaps reflect on the spiritual aspects of our everyday lives and concerns. We may have the opportunity to share our unique faith journey with one another. In the senior spirituality groups, guided sharing and prayer was an integral part of the participants journeys - a true blessing.

In my next blog I will give a definition of late life spirituality to help us reflect on this special time of life.

Spirituality of Late Life - Part 2

Spirituality of Late Life Part 2 (Other entries on Spirituality of Late Life can be found below.)

The prayer below comes from my spiritual direction group. I used it in the first session “Becoming New in the Lord”. The image of “Grandmother God” came to me during Bio-spiritual focusing many years ago. It is an image that gives me great comfort and support when I am troubled. My grandmother was that kind of presence to me and I hope I have been the same for my grandchildren.

Grandmother God,
tender and compassionate,
understanding and forgiving,
cradle me in your arms this day,
balance me on your knee,
hold me in your lap
and never let me go.

Like your servants
Simeon and Anna,
even as I grow old,
may I never grow tired
of spending time with you in prayer.

Though I may become timid at times in my witness,
may I never limit the possibilities of the wonders
awaiting me around the corner.

I present my life with all its worries and wonders,
with all its scars and scary moments,
with all its hope and all its hurts
to you, my Grandma God.
You hold my life in your gentle hands.

Into your hands, I commend my spirit. Amen.

Stations of the Crib, Joe Hassah

Spirituality of Late Life - Part 1

During the past months of blog silence, I had the privilege of offering a series of workshops on Late Life Spirituality. I finished the latest yesterday at a nursing home. In the audience of some 50 elderly residents, many in wheelchairs and pushing walkers, all burdened with the ailments of advanced age, I beheld the most tranquil, smiling faces. These wise elders surely understand spirituality. They have traveled to those deep places and found God’s presence - even in the most difficult of life’s challenges.

So this “offering” of mine has returned many more blessings to me. I have been truly inspired by the depth of the journeys that have been shared with me this Fall. And in my next several blogs, I will share segments of my presentations.

The first session I called “Becoming New in the Lord”. Because all of life is for living and changing and trying new things. Below are the meditations that accompany Spirituality of Late Life Part I: Becoming New in the Lord.

There is always new life trying to emerge in each of us. Too often we ignore the signs of resurrection and cling to parts of life that have died for us.
Joan Chittister

Older people, with the wisdom and experience which are the fruit of a lifetime, have entered upon a time of extraordinary grace which opens to them new opportunities for prayer and union with God.
John Paul II

I consider the days of old,
I remember the years long ago.
I commune with my heart in the night;
I meditate and I search my spirit.
Psalm 77: 5-6

September Remembering

Ah, the beautiful month of September, my month. Remembering today how the little acts of kindness affect us and stay with us. Maybe our spontaneous acts affect others in ways we can’t imagine. Sometimes folks tell us, like when my friend thanked me the other day for encouraging her to go to school, supporting her, and reminding her of all her gifts. It feels good to see that you played a small part in setting someone in a positive direction.

I was remembering the teenage girls at the McAuley HS bazaar some 60 years ago. They took pity on desolate little 8 or 9 year old Eleanor, who had not won any prizes and had run out of money. And she was hungry - some things never change! The McAuley students comforted me and bought me hot dogs and soda. So many years later I still remember - not their names or faces - but their kindness to me. I believe that their act influenced my desire to attend McAuley HS, which led me on the many other paths that result in my life today.

I know that by myself I may not always choose to do unselfish acts of kindness. So I pray for the grace to be aware so I can reach out to others, listen, and perform those little acts of kindness that may make a big difference.

Who Inspires Your?

Last Sunday the gospel was the Good Samaritan. As I looked around at the faces in the congregation, faces of so many races and nationalities, I thought: “I am looking at a whole church full of Good Samaritans.” Because that is what the good people in my parish have in common: a profound sense of caring and concern. And they put their caring into action. They certainly do inspire me to be more caring about my “neighbor”.

My husband inspires me. During this episode of immobility, he has chauffeured me around, taken me out to see my family and friends, wheeled me around the Garden, and supported me when I get grouchy and depressed.

My family and friends inspire me. They do so much it takes my breath away! And they care enough in their busy lives to call, e-mail or visit to cheer me up. On Sunday my sister invited Angel and me to lunch with friends. We spent the day dining and gabbing and watching the World Cup finals - although we missed seeing the only goal!

Yesterday, my pals from the Met Club schlepped all the way up to the Bronx to join me at the Botanical Gardens. Although it was pouring rain, we had a happy time in the Café, chatting away.

It is wonderful how caring people can boost your spirits. I am not used to being on the receiving end, but it sure is nice!

My De Mello Retreat: The Statue

Two weeks ago I spent a week at Mariandale Retreat Center on a retreat based on the writings of Anthony De Mello, a Jesuit from India. His books – Sadhana, The Song of the Bird, Awareness – contain wisdom from Eastern religions as well as Christianity and exercises that are a great help in self-understanding and in meditation. I am amazed at how quickly I seem to come down to earth after a retreat, diving right back into busyness and "too much to do". Yet I am so grateful for having had the "time apart" to refresh body and spirit.

Today I share my favorite "fantasy" exercise from the retreat. It’s called "The Statue". There is a statue of you in a museum. Which museum? Where in the museum is your statue? How big is it? What’s it made of? Title? You enter the museum and find your statue. You converse with it. Is there something you want to tell it? Then you are in the statue and hear people’s comments as they look at it; your friends stop by and you hear what they say. Then Jesus comes. He knows you are really in the statue. What does He say?

My statue is in the Met. In the rooftop garden overlooking Central Park. It’s a marble statue, bigger than life, of me walking. The wind is tossing my hair gently, my arms swing out, my trusty Le Sportsac around my neck. Clad in jeans, T-shirt and walking shoes. The caption is "She Who Loved to Go Out and Walk".

I find this statue of me easily. I love this statue. It’s when I am happiest, feel free. Walking, saying little cheers to myself, meditating, focusing. Walking to stay fit, lose weight, be healthy. The only exercise I ever enjoyed. And it had to be out of doors. I always want to be OUT. Even as a child, I would gaze through the kitchen window to look at the back yard and my grandfather’s garden. So this is the perfect location for my statue, atop the Met overlooking Central Park, where I began my walking in earnest, where I was gifted with poems and marvelous insights. No wonder the expression on my statue face is of quiet joy. I never realized before how happy this combination of nature and walking makes me. It’s where I’ve experienced some of my most profound spiritual gifts.

Now I jump into the statue. Passersby wonder what the silly pocketbook is doing there. Well I do have my baggage, don’t I? I am still "attached". I know it. Not ready to "let go" of everything yet. But someday, maybe it will chip off. The people notice the statue is of an older woman. Wouldn’t a younger person be more aesthetically pleasing? But this is not about external beauty. This is ME when I finally came to discover the most important lessons in life – the decade of my 50’s. When I was truly blessed in the midst of suffering and pain.

Now my friends pass by. Especially my Met Club. Well she sure belongs here, they say. They know me. They know this statue puts it all together: my love of nature, art , walking and my "stuff" (in the Le Sportsac). Yep, they say, the sculptor really captured Eleanor.

Enough for today. Maybe I will share more of my retreat next time.

Ministry to Seniors Part 2

Ministry to Seniors (MTS) also developed other programs and trained parishes in their implementation. Since we knew that a one shot, four hour volunteer training was insufficient to sustain a parish outreach to the homebound ministry, we used several strategies to address the issue of on-going training and preparation of the parish volunteers including:

On-site one-on-one training of the parish coordinators who were responsible for the operation of parish programs. We developed a training manual that covered particulars on recruiting volunteers, identifying the homebound, matching, record keeping, supporting volunteers, and more. And later we partnered with Fordham University’s Partners in Healing program to bring special training programs, with more spiritual emphasis and advanced listening skills to our veteran volunteers.

A quarterly reporting system and annual evaluation was devised to publish statistics and anecdotes on parish service in a newsletter distributed to all 400+ parishes in the Archdiocese. This also served as an alert to staff when problems or concerns were reported.

Ministry to Seniors staff held regional meetings for parish coordinators on a regular basis to provide ongoing support, sharing, information and training. MTS also modeled Volunteer Recognition Events, by honoring parish coordinators with awards, luncheons and gifts, Parish coordinators were encouraged to hold similar volunteer meetings and recognition events in their own parishes.

We learned that our volunteers provided real services, especially in rural areas where they transported patients long distances for dialysis or cancer treatments. From their stories and from listening to volunteers at meetings, we knew that many volunteers derived deep satisfaction from visiting. Many developed close friendships with those they served. Volunteers had been asked to serve as pallbearers at the funerals of those they visited. Others had noticed that the visiting program had bridged the gap between peoples of different colors and cultures, as they ministered to one another. And other volunteers had uncovered potentially life threatening situations and referred them to professional staff for intervention.

During this busy time in the late 90’s and even after 2001, we developed other models for parishes to serve their older members, notably Senior Link, Caregiver Support & Respite and Senior Spirituality Groups. Our programs were recognized nationally with a 1999 Daily Points of Light award, as well as other honors.

Senior Link was designed as a parish-based information and referral/advocacy program to help seniors and their families access needed entitlements/benefits and services in the community. Training and ongoing support were provided to program coordinators, mostly parish staff but also volunteers. Caregiver Support & Respite was provided through a six week workshop series based on Dr. Richard Johnson’s video course “You and Your Aging Parents” and follow-up support groups. Later we introduced the Powerful Tools for Caregiving (PTC) program in the New York area, an innovative approach to empowering caregivers to care for themselves. These caregiver services were implemented in our rural counties through funding from Older Americans Act Title IV and private grants.

Senior Spirituality Groups offered older adults opportunities for spiritual growth through faith sharing, reflection, prayer and discussion activities. Meeting on a regular basis at parishes and community facilities, the groups helped participants to see God’s presence in their life experiences. The group facilitators received training and ongoing support from Ministry to Seniors.

Looking back at this “golden age” of my career at Catholic Charities, I feel very blessed and grateful for the wonderful, talented people who worked so hard to serve the elders of our parishes. Not only my staff and colleagues at Charities but also parish staff, coordinators and volunteers, as well as the seniors themselves. It is amazing how much good people can do, with the help of the Lord. It was a privilege indeed to work with them and serve them.

Resurrection Celebration

Lent 2008 held many blessings and gifts for me. I found a book in my library by one of my favorite authors, Henri Nouwen. This was an early work – 1975 – and very brief. But what wisdom and grace it contains. Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life recounts the inner journey from loneliness to solitude; the connection with community, from hostility to hospitality; and seeking intimacy with God, from illusion to prayer. And all intersect. I like what Nouwen says about hospitality: creating an open space where the “guest” can be free to be herself. It stresses listening, something I have worked hard on in my personal and professional life. He even describes the parent-child relationship in this manner: children are “guests”, which can be very freeing for a parent, who creates the space for them to realize the person they are meant to be.

The inner journey for me was never more profound than when I had a regular Bio-spiritual focusing partner. For more on the process of bio-spiritual focusing see http://www.focusing.org/biospirit.htm. Were my experiences of God’s love at that time “illusion” or a taste of prayerful intimacy? I am not sure. But amazingly enough during this Lenten season I got a call from my young focusing partner whom I had not heard from in years. And we decided to resume bio-spiritual focusing on Easter Monday. There are no coincidences, no accidents here. All is gift. Check out Nouwen’s Reaching Out and have a joyous Easter season!

February Poems

Since I posted another (long) chapter in my career as a gerontologist last time, I'd like today to share a (short) poem. I get especially inspired in winter. This is one of my favorites. As is often the case, inspired by the NY Botanical Gardens.

A Walk in Frigid February

The woods are wallowing
in wanton whiteness.
All darkness has departed
to a dwelling deep within.

It fills me with a coldness so complete
I cannot feel
I cannot breathe
I cannot hope

The earth is glistening
in raptured repose,
the lustre of lovemaking
aglow on her snowy skin.

New secrets wait to be
revealed in icy silence
resplendent in the celebrating sun.

The river rails in frigid February,
releasing scarlet sparklers
in random revelry,
reflecting starry spirals
in his wailing waters.

It fills me with an awe so incomplete
I cannot feel
I cannot breathe
I cannot know

yet I can hope

A gift of time interrupted
upon a stony bridge.

copyright E. Ramos 2/20/00

Valentine Reflection

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, let me share this reflection that I received from the leader of our spiritual direction group. It's by one of my favorite writers, Feodor Dostoevsky.

Love all that has been created by God, both the whole and every grain of sand.
Love every leaf and every ray of light.
Love the beasts and the birds, love the plants, and every separate fragment.
If you love each separate fragment, you will understand the mystery of the whole resting in God.
When you perceive this, your understanding of this mystery will grow from day to day until you come to love the whole world with a love that includes everything and excludes nothing.

Good "Old" Summer

I wrote the following article many years ago for a parish newsletter to the homebound. And wouldn't you know! It's just how I've been feeling lately.

Good "Old" Summer

The season of summer sometimes reminds me of the season of late life --- old age! Just as the heat of summer weighs us down heavily and demands that we slow down, so too the losses of aging weigh us down and slow us up.

When I pause to rest and enjoy the lazy days of summer, I notice nature at peak productivity. There’s almost too much beauty to take in. We need time to see the butterfly on the blade of grass or the tiny flowers growing out of the hollow of the towering oak. Summer is God’s gift to us, an invitation to hang out with His creation and praise Him in His glory!

Can it be much the same with our experience of “old age”? When we need to walk slower because of arthritis, is this an opportunity to see what we once missed as we hurried on by? When friends and loved ones are no longer with us, we are left with our memories, our life stories. And perhaps, like with summer’s bounty, there is too much to take in all at once. One of the blessings of later life is time --- time to consider our own unique story, time to heal the hurts and celebrate the joys, time to grow in wisdom and to simply “hang out” with God.

Ministers to the homebound have a special role to play in this process of life review. They can listen to the stories of those they visit, without judging, fixing or giving unasked for advice. It helps to have a caring companion as we review our life journey with all its pain and laughter, triumphs and sorrows.

And as we discover that throughout our lives, God has been there holding us, supporting us and loving us, even when we were least aware of it, we thank Him for His gift of life.

August First

Many of my poems are inspired by nature. The one I am sharing today came to me during one of my daily walks in Central Park, New York City. And it's another of my "summer" poems from the year 2000.

August First

The worms are drowning
in the earth
and creep up on the path to die
where I
step softly, striving not
to crush them underfoot.

The heron swerves and
dives across
the tranquil skin of Turtle Pond,
dipping in and out
of fertile waters
while I
pause to hear
an unfamiliar cry
buried deep within
the leafy overgrowth.

Who is this new bird
that teases my heart
on a mysty August
morn?
Copyright Eleanor M. Ramos 08/01/2000

Longwood Gardens

I love exploring nature, wherever I find myself. Last weekend my husband, Angel and I visited Longwood Gardens in Kennett Square, PA with my sister and brother-in-law, Kathy and Rich. We met our cousin Janice there. Longwood features scrumptious, colorful gardens, most with fountains. There are wooded paths, meadows, waterfalls and a medieval Bell Tower. (Rapunzel! Rapunzel!) The conservatories are breathtaking. For anyone who appreciates art and nature, it is worth the trip - longwoodgardens.org.

My favorite garden is the Italian Water Garden; it has a European feel, dozens of dancing fountains and water cascading down a staircase. I especially love the earthen jars that seemingly breathe water out and over their outer skins, almost like their innermost being was melting outwards. Maybe it's a good analogy of letting God's love for us work out of us towards others. Anyway, it felt great sharing Longwood, especially with first time visitors, Angel and Rich. I like being alone in nature but there is something to be said for being in a beautiful place with others - loved ones, friends, even strangers. You always get a new perspective through another pair of eyes.

And so it was a peaceful, happy trip, despite the encroaching heat wave. We enjoyed a delicious meal at Longwood's fine dining restaurant. My grandson Chase and I agree that eating out is always part of the experience! To close out the luckiest day of the century (07/07/07), we saw the fountain show, complete with colored lights and classical music.

It gives me hope when the extremely rich, in this case Pierre Dupont, use their wealth to conserve a place of natural beauty, create a setting for artistic expression and then share it with the rest of us considerably less affluent folk.

An August Blessing

I have noticed that many of my recent poems deal with "transition". The one I will share today was written in the summer (how appropriate) of 2006, shortly after I retired that June. It deals with my struggle to begin a new phase of my life.

An August Blessing

Peeking through the holes I see
Pieces of the sky
Holy trees
Peaceful clouds
Bless me on the way.

Sitting still upon a bench
Surrounded by a kiss
Quiet rest
Gentle breeze
Calm me on the way.

Melting down the grief of June
As anger bids farewell
August heat
August hope
Heal me on the way.

Clinging to my treasured trove
Unwilling to let go
Cluttered home
Heavy heart
Teach me on the way.

Walking with nowhere to go
Watching every step
Precious time
Prayerful feet
Guide me on the way.
copyright E. M. Ramos 10/15/2007

Transitions

Since retiring from my job of 25 years last year, I have been in “transition”, a time of change, darkness and new possibilities. Last week I made a retreat "Embracing Life’s Transitions: God’s Call to Transformation". I remembered other times of transition and how they had shaped me into what I am today. In particular there was the time that the department I headed was dissolved and absorbed into another, without an identity or mission. It was hard. I saw it as a personal failure and felt angry, confused and humiliated. Yet in this painful place I was to be befriended by Sister P., who helped me re-structure our work into Ministry to Seniors, a more effective program that trained hundreds of parish volunteers who reached out to hundreds more homebound persons over the next 15 years. Even more, Sister P. convinced me that one need not be a religious to be called to the spiritual life. And so began an awesome inner journey: retreats, journalling, bio-spiritual focusing – a totally new perspective on how I viewed God and my faith. Such growth!

Transitions are like being in a cocoon, a time of darkness and turmoil, a time for waiting. I am not a patient person so it is very difficult to sit still and wait. But recalling past experiences gives me hope that some day soon I will emerge again into some exciting new form, just like a butterfly. This blog could be the start. 7/5/07