Legacy

Many years ago, when I was 8 or 9 years old, my aunt gave me a little pendant. It was a lucite heart with a tiny pink rose inside. She had bought it to help out a cousin who was out of work and selling them to tide his family over. I loved this little heart and wore it all the time.

Last December, I lost the little lucite heart pendant with the rose inside. I was heartbroken. You see, I had planned to leave it to my granddaughter; it was to be her legacy.

Now it was gone. I discovered it missing when I got home from my walk in the Botanical garden. I felt for it and oh no! there was the open chain around my neck but no pendant. I searched and searched. When my husband got home I was in tears. I called Lost & Found and went back to the Café the next day to search, retracing my steps, asking the staff to search. But finally, despite my prayers to St. Anthony, I knew it was gone. I couldn’t even tell anyone at first - I felt the same dull gut feeling of loss, like after my house was robbed, like after the terrible diagnoses of the past years, like after deaths of loved ones.

Why did I feel so devastated about a “thing”? And I came to realize it was really about keep me alive. My memory would live on in Marina, my granddaughter. When she wore the pendant she would remember me, how I loved the little locket, how I loved her. I would not be forgotten. I would live on somehow, through her. Was this a way of avoiding facing the reality of my own mortality? Of avoiding looking at death, time running out, and choosing to live life fully whatever time I have left. What opportunity, what dangerous opportunity did this loss, this “stripping” bring me today in this NOW moment. Humility? I am who I am. Marina is who she is. The mystery of how we “live” in others, the connection - well it’s a mystery to me.

I know I hold Marina in my heart. As I hold my grandmother in my heart. When I pray each morning. When Christmas comes and I think on the old days of Christmas Eves at Nanny’s and midnight Mass. When I do the jumble and think of her at the table each night, calmly and quietly pealing her orange, doing the jumble. What faith and love she (and all my forbears) left to me. What a legacy! How beautiful is the faith and love in Marina. It lives on.

And there’s a wonderful postscript to this story!

On Mothers Day I received a new pendant and it was a gift of love. My daughter Tina, Marina’s Mom, searched for a pendant on the internet to replace the lucite heart with the rose that I had lost. When she couldn’t find one she made me a pendant with a rose inside! Poured the resin into the mold and placed a little rose there. (You can see a picture of it by linking to "my daughter's blog" on the sidebar - then go to "A Heart full of Memories" May 8, 2011.) Just her desire to replace the lost heart that broke my heart fills me with humbling awe. Now this new pendant has an even better meaning and legacy that the 60 year old one that I lost. This new one represents the pure unselfish love of daughter for mother. It is a new symbol to treasure. Legacy. What connects us to the past and to the future.

6/2/2011

Happy Birthday, Marina!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARINA!

I give thanks to God for one of the greatest blessings of my life - my first grandchild, Marina, 18 years old today. I was present at her birth and was amazed at how ready & raring she was to go. I have watched her grow in wisdom, beauty and grace. Seen her develop her many talents: art, knitting and poetry to name a few. I’ve marveled at her ability to devour books, to discuss all manner of topics. I am humbled by her kindness to others, delighted at her dedication to family and not at all surprised at her love of animals and nature.

We’ve shared so much over the years: museums and movies; religious ceremonies and family celebrations; outings and trips, especially Italy and California. We’ve laughed and cried together, comforted and counseled each other, learned together, shared the beauty of nature and wondered at the world.

I love Marina so much and am so proud of the young woman she has become. My heart is confident that whatever paths she chooses, the world will be a better place having her in it - it already is! I look forward to being her grandmother in the years to come.

May God send innumerable blessings your way, Marina. Happy happy birthday!

Grandparents as Resources

When I first heard that my daughter wanted to home school, I thought back to the New York City teachers strike in the 70’s, my only attempt at home schooling. I lasted less than a day. But hey! My daughter is at a different place than I was and I respected her decision. What I could do, and what our family does so well, is help.


My career has been spent as a gerontologist, working with older adults. So I know that today’s grandparents are very different from my own grandparents. They are often better educated – both my husband and I have Masters degrees – and many have been professionals. They have so much to offer to the home schooling experience. I also believe that all grandparents have talents, gifts, knowledge, skills – whatever their educational level – that can be turned into a resource for the home schooler.



At the turn of the 20th century, my own grandmother, who finished 8th grade and went to work in NYC’s garment industry, had longed to be a teacher (maybe that’s where my daughter gets her skills.) She taught me to sew. My husband grew up in Puerto Rico; his native language is Spanish. What a help to home schooled grandkids learning a language. Plus he can fill them in with a first hand account of what it was like growing up in a culture so different from their own.



My bachelor’s degree is in Math so I sometimes help out when an algebra problem proves a bit too challenging. Having worked for non-profits for over 30 years, I was able to give my granddaughter an experience of social service work. She helped at one of our Harlem soup kitchens one year, giving out Thanksgiving turkeys. And she was able to observe and participate in the process of the event every step of the way. What a lesson in organization and planning, transferable to a multitude of real life situations!



My favorite home school resource role is enhancing my daughter’s lessons. Many retirees have the time and desire to take grandchildren on learning excursions, whether day trips or longer vacations. I enjoy bringing my grandchildren to the Bronx Zoo and Botanical Gardens for onsite nature and science lessons. They really read all the descriptions of the plants and animals! When I take them to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, they recognize many masterpieces and artists from their Mom’s lessons.



Last February, thanks to my connections to the traditional school community, I was delighted bring my granddaughter to Italy on an educational trip with a Manhattan high school. There is no greater education than experiencing history and culture on the spot. I was so proud of how she prepared for our trip, learning Italian phrases and studying about the museums and cities we would visit. A win-win for both generations.



And of course, grandparents are the source of living history. The end of World War II, air raid drills during the Cold War, the early days of television, the Mc Carthy hearings, the Rosenberg trial – I lived this history as a child and can talk about it from that perspective, growing up in the 40’s and 50’s. As a young adult, I lived through Vatican II and Vietnam protests, Civil Rights and the Women’s Movement, assassinations and the first man on the moon. I remember my grandmother telling me how hard it was during the depression; it made that time come alive for me. I’ve left a written record of my memories – "Grandma’s Story" – for the next generation. I add chapters on everyday life way back when – which is my idea of history. Each of my grandkids receives the chapters in old fashioned book form but it’s also posted on my blog.



There’s much more that grandparents can offer as resources. Ask your own elders what they can share. But, of course, the best gift we grandparents can give is our love and support to both the home schooler and home schoolee.

Marina, Mom and May

Yesterday was my granddaughter’s 16th birthday. And Marina is the epitome of Sweet Sixteen! Our whole family is grateful for the blessing of this beautiful young woman. But I’d like to talk about a special gift I received just from her May birth.


As a teen and young adult, I loved the coming of Spring. When I smelled the fresh new growth, saw the trees begin to swell with budding life, felt the soft rain, and heard the cheery chirping of the birds – my heart would overflow with happy memories associated with this season of life: baseball season back, playing outdoors, school term coming to an end.




Then one year, my Mom was so sick, dying from breast cancer. She died on May 17th. The next year when I smelled and saw and felt Spring approach, I was overwhelmed with sadness. I burst into tears at times. My body knew, before my mind figured it out. Spring and the month of May were now sadly linked with Mom’s death. This continued year after year. May was ruined for me.




In 1993 my first grandchild, Marina, was born – on May 15th. And to my astonishment, the joy of Spring and May returned to me with this wonderful gift of Marina, and later, two more May grandkids. Now when I smell the trees and see the colorful Spring flowers, I once more experience joy and excitement. I like to think my Mom in Heaven had something to do with this gift. Like it was her way to give me back Spring and May. That would be so like my Mom. Always giving. Thank you Mom. And thank you, Tina and Reed, for the gift of 3 beautiful May grandkids.

Grandma's Story - Chapter 2 Part 1 "Thanksgiving"

Now that Holiday Season 2008 is upon us, I think it’s a good time to continue with blogging “Grandma’s Story”, the ongoing saga of my life that I am writing for my 6 grandkids, in "grandkid" language. Chapter 2: Holiday Time is all about the holidays when I was a kid. Today I will start off, appropriately enough with Thanksgiving, one of my family’s all time favorite holidays. Have a very Happy Thanksgiving 2008!

Grandma's Story: Chapter 2 Holiday Time

Another great thing about my house was that my Dad fixed up the basement so we could have big family dinners there. There was a huge table and every Thanksgiving, my cousins came from Pennsylvania to have a feast with us. When I got older, there were 28 people around the table: my Mom, Dad, brothers, sister, Nanny, Kiki, Pop-Pop, my Aunt Alice and Uncle Ed, and my 6 cousins. And me! Nanny always cooked the turkey and stuffing, her special turnips, cauliflower with bread crumbs, carrots, cranberry sauce from a can, and lots of other veggies. You had to fill the plate more than once for everything to fit. For dessert we had Nanny cake and Kiki made chocolate cream and lemon meringue pies. My Mom didn’t like to cook but there was so much food, we had to use her stove. My Dad always carved the turkey – that was his job. My favorite food was the turkey and the turnips. But the best thing about Thanksgiving was seeing my Pennsylvania cousins.

In those days nobody went “trick or treating” on Halloween. Instead we dressed up for Thanksgiving and went from house to house yelling “Anything for Thanksgiving!” And we would get fruit and candy and nuts – they didn’t have mini packs of M & M’s in those days. I’m not sure that M & M’s were even invented yet. All the goodies were mixed up together in our paper bags. On Thanksgiving afternoon the Christmas season officially began and neighbor boys would sing Christmas carols in the back yards.

After Thanksgiving, my Dad and I set up the model trains on the same huge table in the cellar. I was in charge of scenery. While we worked, we listened to Christmas songs on WPAT, my Dad’s favorite radio station. I love Christmas music. Jingle Bells, White Christmas, and Joy to the World are my special favorites. But I remember the year “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” was brand new! I am so glad you get to hear those same Christmas songs I heard. What’s your favorite Christmas song?

To be continued......

One More Thank You Blog

I see that 2008 will be another rush rush year. Never got to do my series on gratitude. But I will take time today to publicly thank the Lord for my three children and six grandchildren. I am very blessed indeed.

Our three children are very close in age, only three years separate my son and my youngest daughter. We didn't plan it that way, yet I am convinced that it worked out great. I waited till they were in school to start my career track, getting my Masters in Gerontology at age 40 and going on from there. I don't know how mothers do it today, balancing career and family. Or having their career first and then starting a family. Raising 3 toddlers in my twenties was exhausting for me, in fact those years are a blur!

My son and two daughters were intelligent, talented, beautiful kids, who went to the best schools and who grew up to be good people, with strong values, social consciences and a love of nature. Those of you who visit my youngest daughter's blog know all about her artistic and literary achievements. My son is also talented in art and writing. And my daughter in California is a gifted photographer and poet.

Our children are all married and have given us six fabulous grandkids. Four of them live close by so we get to see each other often. Our two youngest grandsons from California just spent a few weeks visiting. All six are intelligent, gorgeous kids, with unique talents, who show great promise. When I learn how to post pictures, you will see that I'm not kidding.

Yes I am one grateful Grandma, as the year 2008 gets going. Now I'm off to indulge in my favorite sport: walking - in my favorite place, the Bronx Botanical Garden. And am I ever thankful for that piece of Paradise in my own backyard!

My Christmas Letter

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Well I thought that retirement meant lots of free time to reflect and relax. Wrong! 2007 has flown by at warp speed and I am busier than ever. My part time job at the NY Citizens’ Committee on Aging is blossoming, as our elder poverty project has struck a chord with the aging and advocacy communities. After many rejections, we got a grant in November that will fund our work into next year.

Outings with friends are now a monthly event – whether its lunch with my pal Pat, museum-hopping with the “Met Club”, or chatting with e-buddies, I am enjoying these treasured friendships. In June I made a week long retreat on the Hudson; the theme was “Transitions”, a timely topic indeed. Most exciting, with the help of my blogging daughter, Tina, I began my own blog in July, where I share my thoughts and poems on the world wide web. And I am also working on a chapter for the new Partners in Healing book. Plus I finally caved into the Harry Potter hoopla and read all seven books. Wow!

The year began on a scary note when my “baby” brother Jeff suffered a heart attack only days before his 52nd birthday. Thankfully, he is now doing well. If you know me at all, you know how much I value family, where the joys and sorrows of life are lived. And so Jeff became a Grandpa when Adrian was born on 07/07/07. Then sadly, we lost my dear Aunt Alice very suddenly the end of July. She was the matriarch of the Pennsylvania branch of the family; now all the elders of my childhood days are gone. Suddenly I am the oldest – Yikes!

Time spent with family is precious: My husband accompanies his brother to the senior center daily. We both enjoyed trips to Longwood Gardens and the Bronx Botanical Gardens with my sister and brother-in-law, Kathy and Rich. We visited my Dad’s younger sister, Aunt Elizabeth (age 88) and her family for the first time in years. The highlight of the family year was the wedding of Audra and Brian in September. The whole Pennsylvania clan was there, along with my brother Jim from California with his family. Just what I like - a huge family Lovefest! Best news of all – Audra will present my sister Kathy with her 1st grandchild next year!

My granddaughter Marina had a banner year: winning 3rd place in her town’s poetry competition; serving a 3 week internship at the Bronx Zoo in August; and being confirmed in October. She even got braces! Chase and my son-in-law joined us at a Mets game in July, hosted by Primerica; Chase is now going for his Bodan Belt in Tae Kwan Do. Sierra started home school Kindergarten and is becoming quite proficient on the computer, especially Zoo Tycoon. Tina’s blog and comics are receiving recognition; she’s been invited to write for a home school magazine.

My son, daughter-in-law and grandson Sam took us to a minor league ball game on his company night in June. My son got a job promotion and finished paralegal courses this year. Daughter Lisa and family just returned to California after a long visit; it is amazing how big Jackson and Aidan are getting. Aidan has some powerful arm for a 2 year old! Watch out, A-rod! We enjoyed an old fashioned Family Thanksgiving in Pennsylvania with Lisa’s family and all the Pennsylvania cousins.

If you want to know more about my adventures during 2007 or would like to read my poems, I invite you to visit my blog at http://innerelder.blogspot.com. Especially the December entries. Meanwhile, I wish you all a happy, healthy 2008! Keep in touch!

Pride

I am proud of all six of my gorgeous, precious grandchildren. But this blog entry is dedicated to the oldest, Marina age 14. Marina just completed a three week internship at the Bronx Zoo. Half of that time, she spent with us since we live so close to the Zoo. It was a pleasure having a teenager in the house again. It's been kind of quiet since the nest emptied years ago.

Of course Marina is not what I think of as the stereotypical teen, blasting Hip-Hop music, chatting endlessly on cell, U-tube (?) or text messaging. She doesn't even own an I-pod or a cell phone. So it was very easy to be with her, sharing her fresh juicy ideas, hearing her enthusiastic description of her intern experiences, even listening to her doubts and frustrations about working on a group project.

And it was a real joy to see how she grew in those three short weeks. Taking responsibility for rising early (M. is not a morning person!) by preparing her lunch and clothes the night before. Learning the ins and outs, ups and downs of a Zoo career - from mucking out the enclosures in the Children's Zoo and walking the retired miniature horses to taking notes, complete with illustrations, during class. Perhaps her greatest accomplishment was adapting to the "team" approach, not easy for any age.

I was so proud to see her finished project last Friday. All the young people did a marvelous job designing exhibits and building scale models for various animals of Asia, Africa, and North America. Marina's group did the Bengal tiger and her artistic strengths and creativity shone brightly in the lush greenery and neatly painted and sculpted landscape of their exhibit. I believe she learned a valuable lesson - you don't have to be an expert at everything when you work as a team. Just learn to be patient, listen, and utilize each team member's gifts and talents. Skills to last a lifetime.

You know, I think I grew through this experience too. After observing Marina's home school friends this summer and seeing what the young Zoo interns accomplished, I believe that typical teens are more like my granddaughter after all. And that feels much, much better!

For more about Marina's Zoo adventures - and pictures even! - see "my daughter's blog" (sidebar).