It's been awhile. I've been so busy with my "part time" retirement job that I haven't written the next chapter of my life as a Gerontologist. But who says I have to go in chronological order? Since I am still working in the field of aging, I will tell you what I did all day last week as Executive Director of the New York Citizens Committee on Aging, a very small advocacy organization that's been around for almost fifty years.
Last Monday a week ago, I arrived at my tiny office in the lobby of a high rise senior housing building at about 8 a.m. I checked the phone messages and e-mail messages and mail messages and found several responses from people who wanted to come to our big meeting the following Friday. Since we were having a Board meeting that evening, I next had to prepare the agenda, including my report on our fundraising and programming activities. As a small organization, we are in a constant struggle to raise funds and a lot of my time is spent researching foundations and writing proposals. Oh yes, the mail had one or two checks for dues - hurray!
At that point the treasurer arrived at the office and I was glad to have the company. She usually stops by on Board meeting days to do the financial reports, so we talked about expenses and income for awhile. After she left I made copies for the meeting - you can see I wear many hats - and worked on our membership lists, which constantly need to be updated.
The big project of the week was a Program Meeting on Friday, which featured the Director of the NYS State Office for Aging. He would update us on the proposed NYS budget and how it would affect seniors; in addition we wanted to learn of progress on NY Connects in NYC, our one-stop-shop system for informing seniors and their families about long term care options in their locality. So I prepared a reminder flyer about the Meeting for my assistant to send out to all our constituents - the dozens of aging service agencies, advocacy organizations, academic institutions and just plain citizens interested in aging issues.
Before the Board meeting I met with our president to brief him on the agenda. At the meeting, we set up sub-committee meetings on Public Policy/Program and Development, which would need preparation and notification to members. The meeting was over at 7:30 p.m. I missed my train and got home at 9 p.m. A long day! Next day I went into the office later, spent a few hours briefing my assistant on the work for the week and was happy to hear we were getting a good response for our Friday meeting. Then I was off to the Manhattan Borowide Inter-agency Council on Aging meeting to hear a presentation by the head of the NYC Department for the Aging about their modernization plans. Luckily I took the subway home since a building collapsed next to the commuter railroad tracks in Harlem and the trains were offline, literally, for hours.
On Thursday, my assistant and I were busy with last minute preparations for Friday's big meeting, which I am happy to report was a success. Eighty people came to hear the state of the state budget as it affects older New Yorkers. It was overall good news in a budget deficit year and showed promise that the new director, a former advocate himself, was moving ahead with innovative ideas. We also had a presentation from one of our younger Board members on Enriched Social Adult Day Care, a program we have long fought for and which was in the governor's budget. However, seeing what has happened this week in New York with our governor, what will happen to the budget is anyone's guess. In New York, it's never a dull moment.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
February Poems
Since I posted another (long) chapter in my career as a gerontologist last time, I'd like today to share a (short) poem. I get especially inspired in winter. This is one of my favorites. As is often the case, inspired by the NY Botanical Gardens.
A Walk in Frigid February
The woods are wallowing
in wanton whiteness.
All darkness has departed
to a dwelling deep within.
It fills me with a coldness so complete
I cannot feel
I cannot breathe
I cannot hope
The earth is glistening
in raptured repose,
the lustre of lovemaking
aglow on her snowy skin.
New secrets wait to be
revealed in icy silence
resplendent in the celebrating sun.
The river rails in frigid February,
releasing scarlet sparklers
in random revelry,
reflecting starry spirals
in his wailing waters.
It fills me with an awe so incomplete
I cannot feel
I cannot breathe
I cannot know
yet I can hope
A gift of time interrupted
upon a stony bridge.
copyright E. Ramos 2/20/00
Friday, February 22, 2008
My Career in Gerontology: Assistant Director
My next position with Catholic Charities was Assistant Director of the Department of the Aging. The department grew out of a task force in the late 1970’s to address the “graying” of the Archdiocese. Under the leadership of a former deputy commissioner in NYC’s welfare department, a staff of 20 persons was responsible for reaching out to the 400+ urban, suburban and rural parishes of the New York Archdiocese.
I joined the department in 1981, as director of its city and state funded Recreation Program for the Elderly, which provided technical assistance, trips and teachers to parish senior clubs. (See February 6th blog - What I did all day as a Gerontologist.)
In 1987 I became Assistant Director of the department. My job responsibilities included: overseeing a NYC funded senior center and homemaker program in the South Bronx; supervising the Grants Program, the Recreation Program and the regional field workers who provided consultation and technical assistance to the parish outreach programs to the homebound. Supervision is not my strong point and I worked very hard, taking advantage of every training opportunity to hone my skills.
When I left Catholic Charities after 25 years of service, I felt that what I would miss most was the people I worked with. However, over the years, we did have a few characters that kept me on my toes as a supervisor. Much of my time was spent guiding the workers, helping them set goals and reach out to the parishes, encouraging the parishes to begin programs to reach out to their homebound elders or convincing them that we could help their volunteers with training from our staff. It is amazing to me how hard it was to get parishes and volunteers to accept free training. In those days, we even had a “carrot” to dangle before them, small grants to help them get started.
In the early days of the department, we struggled to come up with a mission statement, goals and objectives. As you can imagine, several hours a week were given to staff meetings, not much fun.
The greatest challenge was in designing a model of a parish outreach program, that would give parish volunteers the tools that they needed to be effective ministers to the frail homebound elderly they served. We never quite knew when a parish “program” could be named as such, despite our considerable resources, including a sizable parish grants program. “Training” on the parish level varied with individual staff consultants.
I also spent a great deal of time with the South Bronx Senior Center, monitoring their budget, their case management files, and helping the director deal with personnel issues. City contracts are unbelievably mired in bureaucracy – and you know how I feel about that! We were attempting to renovate a Parish Hall in which to relocate the program and make it accessible. Despite the cooperation of my program officer at the city, there were just too many hurdles to overcome. In addition, the program was being subsidized by Catholic Charities, which was facing a fiscal crisis. We decided to give up the contract, a difficult decision indeed. It was a very dark time, trying to find another sponsor and eventually closing the center and transferring the clients to other centers and programs.
Shortly after I became assistant director, Cardinal Cooke died and John Cardinal O’Connor became the spiritual leader of the Archdiocese. We proposed an annual Mass for Older Adults at St. Patrick’s Cathedral at which the Cardinal would present Good Samaritan Awards to outstanding senior volunteers from all over the Archdiocese. This spiritual event would replace the annual Christmas Brunch at Lindy’s. And all the parishes could be invited.
What a major project this turned out to be! The entire staff was involved in organizing the event. As its coordinator, I believe that I spent most of 9 months preparing for the first Mass for Older Adults. The cathedral has a master of ceremonies, with whom I worked to coordinate the events of the day. Plus I had to work with the director of music to select the hymns and the director of liturgy to select the readings for the Mass. I learned a lot that year. Picking the awardees and getting them approved was another major undertaking. There was also the selection of gift bearers and lectors; some years we had celebrities doing the readings, which meant more approval. We needed to publicize the event, get out invitations to all the parishes, including transportation for many. Some seniors from the rural counties traveled close to three hours to get to the Mass. The first Mass turned out to be a wonderful spiritual event, despite competition from the Polish Day Parade on Fifth Avenue. Over 1500 seniors met their new archbishop. The Mass continued to be an annual event for many years until shortly before Cardinal O’Connor’s death.
One of my favorite achievements as Assistant Director was the organization of parish senior leaders and staff into support groups on a regional basis serving over 100 Manhattan, Bronx, Staten Island, Westchester, Rockland, Dutchess and Ulster parishes. At meetings we provided speakers, information, technical assistance and educational materials on aging for the parish coordinators to share with their volunteers and homebound elders. This was also key to spreading the word about the importance of trained outreach volunteers. It gave parish leaders a chance to know and learn from one another.
Finally, I represented the Archdiocese on the Elderly Services Committee of the New York State Catholic Conference from 1987 to 1990. It was another step in my education in public policy, advocacy and the legislative process. I traveled to Albany several times a year, where we met with key legislators and networked with my colleagues from other NYS dioceses.
When the director of the Department of the Aging retired in 1990, during a major financial crisis, staff cuts and a re-structuring period at Catholic Charities, I became responsible for the overall operation of the department. After about one year, a decision was made to de-departmentalize the Department of the Aging, and to merge its remaining staff into another department. For me, this was both a personal failure and an opportunity to start over, with the support of new colleagues. The lesson learned was that out of great pain and loss may come hope and new growth and this lesson impacted my own personal spiritual journey. Out of a new team approach to goal setting, we chose a new name for our program - Ministry to Seniors and with new staff, we designed model programs with structured parish volunteer training and accountability components. But more about that later …….
I joined the department in 1981, as director of its city and state funded Recreation Program for the Elderly, which provided technical assistance, trips and teachers to parish senior clubs. (See February 6th blog - What I did all day as a Gerontologist.)
In 1987 I became Assistant Director of the department. My job responsibilities included: overseeing a NYC funded senior center and homemaker program in the South Bronx; supervising the Grants Program, the Recreation Program and the regional field workers who provided consultation and technical assistance to the parish outreach programs to the homebound. Supervision is not my strong point and I worked very hard, taking advantage of every training opportunity to hone my skills.
When I left Catholic Charities after 25 years of service, I felt that what I would miss most was the people I worked with. However, over the years, we did have a few characters that kept me on my toes as a supervisor. Much of my time was spent guiding the workers, helping them set goals and reach out to the parishes, encouraging the parishes to begin programs to reach out to their homebound elders or convincing them that we could help their volunteers with training from our staff. It is amazing to me how hard it was to get parishes and volunteers to accept free training. In those days, we even had a “carrot” to dangle before them, small grants to help them get started.
In the early days of the department, we struggled to come up with a mission statement, goals and objectives. As you can imagine, several hours a week were given to staff meetings, not much fun.
The greatest challenge was in designing a model of a parish outreach program, that would give parish volunteers the tools that they needed to be effective ministers to the frail homebound elderly they served. We never quite knew when a parish “program” could be named as such, despite our considerable resources, including a sizable parish grants program. “Training” on the parish level varied with individual staff consultants.
I also spent a great deal of time with the South Bronx Senior Center, monitoring their budget, their case management files, and helping the director deal with personnel issues. City contracts are unbelievably mired in bureaucracy – and you know how I feel about that! We were attempting to renovate a Parish Hall in which to relocate the program and make it accessible. Despite the cooperation of my program officer at the city, there were just too many hurdles to overcome. In addition, the program was being subsidized by Catholic Charities, which was facing a fiscal crisis. We decided to give up the contract, a difficult decision indeed. It was a very dark time, trying to find another sponsor and eventually closing the center and transferring the clients to other centers and programs.
Shortly after I became assistant director, Cardinal Cooke died and John Cardinal O’Connor became the spiritual leader of the Archdiocese. We proposed an annual Mass for Older Adults at St. Patrick’s Cathedral at which the Cardinal would present Good Samaritan Awards to outstanding senior volunteers from all over the Archdiocese. This spiritual event would replace the annual Christmas Brunch at Lindy’s. And all the parishes could be invited.
What a major project this turned out to be! The entire staff was involved in organizing the event. As its coordinator, I believe that I spent most of 9 months preparing for the first Mass for Older Adults. The cathedral has a master of ceremonies, with whom I worked to coordinate the events of the day. Plus I had to work with the director of music to select the hymns and the director of liturgy to select the readings for the Mass. I learned a lot that year. Picking the awardees and getting them approved was another major undertaking. There was also the selection of gift bearers and lectors; some years we had celebrities doing the readings, which meant more approval. We needed to publicize the event, get out invitations to all the parishes, including transportation for many. Some seniors from the rural counties traveled close to three hours to get to the Mass. The first Mass turned out to be a wonderful spiritual event, despite competition from the Polish Day Parade on Fifth Avenue. Over 1500 seniors met their new archbishop. The Mass continued to be an annual event for many years until shortly before Cardinal O’Connor’s death.
One of my favorite achievements as Assistant Director was the organization of parish senior leaders and staff into support groups on a regional basis serving over 100 Manhattan, Bronx, Staten Island, Westchester, Rockland, Dutchess and Ulster parishes. At meetings we provided speakers, information, technical assistance and educational materials on aging for the parish coordinators to share with their volunteers and homebound elders. This was also key to spreading the word about the importance of trained outreach volunteers. It gave parish leaders a chance to know and learn from one another.
Finally, I represented the Archdiocese on the Elderly Services Committee of the New York State Catholic Conference from 1987 to 1990. It was another step in my education in public policy, advocacy and the legislative process. I traveled to Albany several times a year, where we met with key legislators and networked with my colleagues from other NYS dioceses.
When the director of the Department of the Aging retired in 1990, during a major financial crisis, staff cuts and a re-structuring period at Catholic Charities, I became responsible for the overall operation of the department. After about one year, a decision was made to de-departmentalize the Department of the Aging, and to merge its remaining staff into another department. For me, this was both a personal failure and an opportunity to start over, with the support of new colleagues. The lesson learned was that out of great pain and loss may come hope and new growth and this lesson impacted my own personal spiritual journey. Out of a new team approach to goal setting, we chose a new name for our program - Ministry to Seniors and with new staff, we designed model programs with structured parish volunteer training and accountability components. But more about that later …….
Friday, February 15, 2008
Valentine Reflection
In the spirit of Valentine's Day, let me share this reflection that I received from the leader of our spiritual direction group. It's by one of my favorite writers, Feodor Dostoevsky.
Love all that has been created by God, both the whole and every grain of sand.
Love every leaf and every ray of light.
Love the beasts and the birds, love the plants, and every separate fragment.
If you love each separate fragment, you will understand the mystery of the whole resting in God.
When you perceive this, your understanding of this mystery will grow from day to day until you come to love the whole world with a love that includes everything and excludes nothing.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
What I did all day as a Gerontologist
The appeal of gerontology is that there are so many possibilities for job opportunities. From working as a recreational therapist in a nursing home to running a senior center for active older adults. From developing policy in the field of aging to counseling family caregivers. After I graduated with my Masters in Gerontology in 1981, I went to work for Catholic Charities, where I had a number of positions over my 25 years of service to the elders of the Archdiocese of New York.
My first job was Coordinator of the Recreation Program for the Elderly. Since I was going through serious personal issues at the time – my grandmother had Alzheimers and my Mom, her principal caregiver, was dying of cancer – I decided that I wanted a “fun” job, without life and death components. Recreation seemed just right. I worked with 100 New York City parish clubs. With a grant from NYC’s Department for the Aging, we provided the clubs with money for trips, hired crafts and exercise teachers to lead enrichment classes, and did site visits to make suggestions for enhanced programming. Most of the clubs were weekly coffee, cake and Bingo gatherings, so adding a gifted teacher to teach painting was a real plus.
One of the projects I designed during my tenure as recreation coordinator was “Celebrating Life” which was funded by a local bank. We trained our instructors to translate life history into crafts projects. I loved the process. Visiting the different parish groups and listening to their stories. Some were quite poignant - the first meeting of a Bronx woman with her sister from Ireland; a painful hurt from long ago that still needed to be healed; a woman who had experienced a vision. It was very inspiring.
“Celebrating Life” was a great success and we held an exhibit at the Catholic Center to highlight the finished parish projects. A Manhattan parish club collaborated on a montage of their memories. A Bronx parish did a felt “painting” of their church, with their taped memories. A Harlem parish decorated the parish hall with mementos of the past. A Staten Island club held a fashion show, featuring a wedding gown from fifty years before. I can still see the seniors explaining their works of art to teenagers from Cathedral H.S., who attended the event.
My job responsibilities included: writing funding proposals, supervising an assistant, scheduling the teachers, writing reports, etc. But the best part of this job was getting out to the different parishes and seeing the clubs in action. This refreshed and re-energized me when I was feeling frustrated, overwhelmed or tired of the paper work. The Archdiocese is so diverse: it runs the gamut from poor to wealthy parishes, with so many different races and ethnic groups. One of my challenges was to integrate the Spanish speaking seniors with the Irish and German English speaking seniors in a Bronx parish. A wonderful priest there celebrated a bi-lingual Mass at a long table with all the seniors sitting around the table and participating.
To bring the different cultures together, we also held an annual picnic, usually hosted by the Staten Island clubs, so that they could intermingle and get to know each other. Unfortunately, at one picnic, a Bronx senior tripped over a tree root and broke both arms. My staff spent most of the time in the local Emergency Room. We also had an annual Christmas Brunch at Lindy’s Restaurant in the Empire State Building, provided by Cardinal Cooke’s boyhood friends, who owned a chain of restaurants. Do you think that putting that event together wasn’t hard work!
To be continued...
My first job was Coordinator of the Recreation Program for the Elderly. Since I was going through serious personal issues at the time – my grandmother had Alzheimers and my Mom, her principal caregiver, was dying of cancer – I decided that I wanted a “fun” job, without life and death components. Recreation seemed just right. I worked with 100 New York City parish clubs. With a grant from NYC’s Department for the Aging, we provided the clubs with money for trips, hired crafts and exercise teachers to lead enrichment classes, and did site visits to make suggestions for enhanced programming. Most of the clubs were weekly coffee, cake and Bingo gatherings, so adding a gifted teacher to teach painting was a real plus.
One of the projects I designed during my tenure as recreation coordinator was “Celebrating Life” which was funded by a local bank. We trained our instructors to translate life history into crafts projects. I loved the process. Visiting the different parish groups and listening to their stories. Some were quite poignant - the first meeting of a Bronx woman with her sister from Ireland; a painful hurt from long ago that still needed to be healed; a woman who had experienced a vision. It was very inspiring.
“Celebrating Life” was a great success and we held an exhibit at the Catholic Center to highlight the finished parish projects. A Manhattan parish club collaborated on a montage of their memories. A Bronx parish did a felt “painting” of their church, with their taped memories. A Harlem parish decorated the parish hall with mementos of the past. A Staten Island club held a fashion show, featuring a wedding gown from fifty years before. I can still see the seniors explaining their works of art to teenagers from Cathedral H.S., who attended the event.
My job responsibilities included: writing funding proposals, supervising an assistant, scheduling the teachers, writing reports, etc. But the best part of this job was getting out to the different parishes and seeing the clubs in action. This refreshed and re-energized me when I was feeling frustrated, overwhelmed or tired of the paper work. The Archdiocese is so diverse: it runs the gamut from poor to wealthy parishes, with so many different races and ethnic groups. One of my challenges was to integrate the Spanish speaking seniors with the Irish and German English speaking seniors in a Bronx parish. A wonderful priest there celebrated a bi-lingual Mass at a long table with all the seniors sitting around the table and participating.
To bring the different cultures together, we also held an annual picnic, usually hosted by the Staten Island clubs, so that they could intermingle and get to know each other. Unfortunately, at one picnic, a Bronx senior tripped over a tree root and broke both arms. My staff spent most of the time in the local Emergency Room. We also had an annual Christmas Brunch at Lindy’s Restaurant in the Empire State Building, provided by Cardinal Cooke’s boyhood friends, who owned a chain of restaurants. Do you think that putting that event together wasn’t hard work!
To be continued...
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
It's Great to Hear from YOU!
I am pleasantly surprised with the interest in my blogs about my career in Gerontology. Today on the radio there was a piece about the shortage of geriatricians and other professionals in the field of aging. Given the rapid aging of America's and the world's population, this is a crisis already arrived. However, young people, this is also an exciting opportunity for you. Enter a field that needs you. That is never boring. And that has endless possibilities.
I look forward to writing the next installment of "My Career in Aging" which will deal with "what do you do all day, anyway?" But this week, in addition to my "retirement" job as Executive Director of the New York Citizens Committee on Aging, I am also finishing up a chapter for a friend's book about ministering to the sick and dying. So tune in next week for more on my career.
Once again I want to thank you all for your comments. Thank you Maryellen for inspiring me. Thank you Teresa for reminding us that "the best age is the age you are". We need to take care of our health, body and soul, at any age. Tina, you are wise indeed - one can live, thrive and grow no matter what - life is precious, as you know. A special thanks to purpleflowerpatch for the Excellent Blog Award. I am grateful!
I look forward to writing the next installment of "My Career in Aging" which will deal with "what do you do all day, anyway?" But this week, in addition to my "retirement" job as Executive Director of the New York Citizens Committee on Aging, I am also finishing up a chapter for a friend's book about ministering to the sick and dying. So tune in next week for more on my career.
Once again I want to thank you all for your comments. Thank you Maryellen for inspiring me. Thank you Teresa for reminding us that "the best age is the age you are". We need to take care of our health, body and soul, at any age. Tina, you are wise indeed - one can live, thrive and grow no matter what - life is precious, as you know. A special thanks to purpleflowerpatch for the Excellent Blog Award. I am grateful!
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
My Philosophy of Aging: Part 2
Today I will finish quoting from my "ancient" paper on my philosophy of aging.
Working with Older Adults. When I graduated from college with a degree in Mathematics, I went to work for the Social Security Administration. I wanted to help people, especially older people, because they let you help them, they were so appreciative. Unfortunately, the federal government bureaucracy cramped my style (even way back then!) and choked my creativity in endless rules, regulations and red tape.Forward to 2008. Looking back at this 1981 paper, it is interesting to note how my own aging has not changed my 40 year old views all that much. But I observed how my concerns about financing crises in entitlement programs have continued to become more and more critical over the years - during good as well as bad economic times. One thing is certain – the predicted aging of our society is now understood by all. Next time I will talk about my “practical” life as a professional in the field of aging.
My next venture into the field of aging was as a community organizer with the Community Action Program. Here I learned a good deal about the diverse nature of elderly people and about “helping” people. They were still appreciative but they taught me that they wanted to help themselves. (Boy! Do I ever understand that now that I am “elderly” myself.) But I was needed to educate them and to show them how to mobilize against the establishment. I felt alive and young being with them. Maybe it was the contrast in our ages, but maybe it was their own “youth”, too, that made me feel that way.
Now (1981) I am back in the field of aging after eight years working with young people. The diversity of the elderly is even more apparent now that I have a formal education in gerontology. I see that not all elderly are poor and dependent, not all are disease-ridden and limited, not all are unattractive, not all are appreciative and understanding, as I once thought. I see the real differences and I rejoice in the discovery that aging is an individual experience, unique to each person. I think that I respect older people more now and that my philosophy of aging is less patronizing than it once was.
Impact of M.S. Degree in Gerontology. My studies at the College of New Rochelle have had a definite effect on my philosophy of aging as noted above. In addition to a greater understanding of the biology, psychology and sociology of aging, I have altered my views on a number of issues. My research into Social Security financing confirmed earlier views on retirement and the need – social as well as personal – for people to continue to be active past the age of 65. But the research also made me aware of the seriousness of the financing of entitlement programs and the need for careful consideration of the consequences of demographic shifts and inflation on future generations. Thus, while I am always an advocate of elderly causes, I must face the reality of a Politics of Scarcity and a dependency ratio.
I think my greatest moment of truth came during the Human Relations course with J. W. We were having a psycho-drama on aging. Suddenly I was aware that all of my fellow students of gerontology were interpreting successful aging in terms of how “young” one was for his age. Those most guilty were the two oldest members of the class. “What is wrong with being old?”, I asked. Why can’t we have an “old is beautiful” campaign? Why, indeed!
America’s orientation is on youth, alas! “Youth is in”, but not for long, as all of us find out sooner or later. Perhaps, as the old begin to outnumber the young in the next century and as medical science reduces the physical limitations of aging and conquers diseases of old age, age will be where it’s at. I hope so!
Friday, January 18, 2008
My Career in Gerontology
My new blog friend, Maryellen has asked me to write about my career in Gerontology, working with older persons. To begin my “series” on what it’s like to work in the field of aging, I start with some excerpts from a paper I wrote in grad school back in 1981 “My Personal Philosophy of Aging”. Here’s what I had to say way back then.
Back to 2008. It is amazing to me how much the above paper predicted the many varied challenges I would face in my future career: misunderstanding about the capabilities of older people; working with family caregivers; expanding benefits and support for the growing numbers of elderly; better training for home care workers; the changing nature of nursing homes, etc. etc. This is why the field of aging is never boring – there is so much still to be done. And the numbers of elders – “our” numbers are increasing. More to come!
I have always enjoyed being with older people. Somehow I was more comfortable with their ideas, morals, music and values than with those of my own turbulent cohort group. I felt secure in their unthreatening support, satisfied by their exuberant appreciation, comforted by their patient understanding.
These early images of the elderly were based on my relationships with my maternal and paternal grandparents. In childhood, I remember my grandmother’s unashamed physical demonstrations of genuine affection, spontaneous and with no strings attached. And my grandfather – he knew a million and one ways to delight us – from spinning yarns about giants to treating us to a candy surprise every night. Later, in my teens, it was my other grandmother who had the time to listen and understand when my mother did not. Yes, old age – to me – was always beautiful, wise and good.
As a teenager, I thought much about death but not at all about growing old. I have only recently faced the reality of my own aging – grays outnumber browns, sagging chin, sunken eyes. It was not a pretty sight. (Imagine how I feel now at age 66!) I began to doubt my pollyanna philosophy of aging. The negative aspects crept into the foreground: The dreaded diseases of old age – after 35, a pain here could mean heart attack; a pain there, arthritis – or worse! The losses of old age – finding that I had to hold the book farther away to see; asking someone to repeat what they said; running up the last few steps with leaden legs. Forgetting where I put things was no longer attributed to absentmindedness. I WAS GETTING OLD!
And as constant reminders, my children (now it’s my grandkids) were always there, growing into young adults, towering over me, bringing home questions that I could no longer answer, exploring the world out from under my wing.
I was annoyed with myself. Why should someone who revered and respected old age be so upset by her own aging? And it was with this realization, together with my education in gerontology and personal experiences, that I began to put together a more realistic philosophy of aging.
The experience of my own beloved grandfather’s retirement was what inspired me to choose gerontology as a profession. After retiring, he declined rapidly. One Sunday afternoon, we were sitting and chatting. Suddenly, he was talking about childhood friends as if they were right there with us. My worst fears were realized and it wasn’t long before he was wandering out into the night, losing control of his bodily functions, unable to recognize us. The diagnosis: arteriosclerosis of the brain. (Alzheimer’s had not leaped into the diagnostic spotlight as yet.) Finally, he had to be institutionalized. Visiting him in that cold, uncaring world centered all of my fears and hostilities about aging on their ultimate symbol – the institution. I carried this personal vendetta against institutionalization for many years in my work with the elderly until this attitude, too, was tempered by education and experience.
Now (in 1981) my grandmother is 89 years old. She suffers from organic brain syndrome (most likely Alzheimer’s) but she is not institutionalized. Instead my 63 year old mother cares for her at home. This has involved constant searches for untrained “baby-sitters” to care for my grandmother while my mother works. It involves paying these caregivers from an income that doesn’t qualify for Medicaid, but can’t afford quality services either. It involves answering my grandmother’s endless questions: “Where am I?” “When am I going home?” “Does my mother know I’m here?” over and over and over. It involves being awakened at 3 a.m., being unable to return sleep, and having to go to work the next morning. It involves getting seriously ill yourself. But my mother still will not consider a nursing home for my grandmother. Out of guilt? Memories of my grandfather’s institutionalization?
However, my philosophy has changed. I see now the need for SNF’s (skilled nursing facilities) and HRF’s (what today would be Assisted Living) and I am happy that my contact with nursing home professionals (in my classes), my field internship at Morningside House, my own study and research has helped me to come to a more informed grasp of this aspect of aging in our society. I am now working with my mother to enable her to make a wise and guilt-free decision about my grandmother.”
Back to 2008. It is amazing to me how much the above paper predicted the many varied challenges I would face in my future career: misunderstanding about the capabilities of older people; working with family caregivers; expanding benefits and support for the growing numbers of elderly; better training for home care workers; the changing nature of nursing homes, etc. etc. This is why the field of aging is never boring – there is so much still to be done. And the numbers of elders – “our” numbers are increasing. More to come!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Winter Poems
To celebrate this balmy January day, I will share one of my favorite winter poems.
A Walk in the Warm Winter Wood
Springtime in January
feels like an old friend
clasping me in her arms.
Shivering stillness drapes me
in velvety pine while
silver tongued twigs
beckon in the moonlit sun.
River paths come alive
with gray radiance,
bursting to spew secrets
I'm not yet ready to receive.
Not in January.
Not in winter.
Not yet.
Let's wait awhile longer.
Just be still.
Too soon the sun grows cold,
chilling me to my feet.
As I hurry away
stillness slips gently
from my shoulders
like a lost scarf.
copyright E. Ramos 1/11/2000
A Walk in the Warm Winter Wood
Springtime in January
feels like an old friend
clasping me in her arms.
Shivering stillness drapes me
in velvety pine while
silver tongued twigs
beckon in the moonlit sun.
River paths come alive
with gray radiance,
bursting to spew secrets
I'm not yet ready to receive.
Not in January.
Not in winter.
Not yet.
Let's wait awhile longer.
Just be still.
Too soon the sun grows cold,
chilling me to my feet.
As I hurry away
stillness slips gently
from my shoulders
like a lost scarf.
copyright E. Ramos 1/11/2000
Sunday, January 6, 2008
One More Thank You Blog
I see that 2008 will be another rush rush year. Never got to do my series on gratitude. But I will take time today to publicly thank the Lord for my three children and six grandchildren. I am very blessed indeed.
Our three children are very close in age, only three years separate my son and my youngest daughter. We didn't plan it that way, yet I am convinced that it worked out great. I waited till they were in school to start my career track, getting my Masters in Gerontology at age 40 and going on from there. I don't know how mothers do it today, balancing career and family. Or having their career first and then starting a family. Raising 3 toddlers in my twenties was exhausting for me, in fact those years are a blur!
My son and two daughters were intelligent, talented, beautiful kids, who went to the best schools and who grew up to be good people, with strong values, social consciences and a love of nature. Those of you who visit my youngest daughter's blog know all about her artistic and literary achievements. My son is also talented in art and writing. And my daughter in California is a gifted photographer and poet.
Our children are all married and have given us six fabulous grandkids. Four of them live close by so we get to see each other often. Our two youngest grandsons from California just spent a few weeks visiting. All six are intelligent, gorgeous kids, with unique talents, who show great promise. When I learn how to post pictures, you will see that I'm not kidding.
Yes I am one grateful Grandma, as the year 2008 gets going. Now I'm off to indulge in my favorite sport: walking - in my favorite place, the Bronx Botanical Garden. And am I ever thankful for that piece of Paradise in my own backyard!
Our three children are very close in age, only three years separate my son and my youngest daughter. We didn't plan it that way, yet I am convinced that it worked out great. I waited till they were in school to start my career track, getting my Masters in Gerontology at age 40 and going on from there. I don't know how mothers do it today, balancing career and family. Or having their career first and then starting a family. Raising 3 toddlers in my twenties was exhausting for me, in fact those years are a blur!
My son and two daughters were intelligent, talented, beautiful kids, who went to the best schools and who grew up to be good people, with strong values, social consciences and a love of nature. Those of you who visit my youngest daughter's blog know all about her artistic and literary achievements. My son is also talented in art and writing. And my daughter in California is a gifted photographer and poet.
Our children are all married and have given us six fabulous grandkids. Four of them live close by so we get to see each other often. Our two youngest grandsons from California just spent a few weeks visiting. All six are intelligent, gorgeous kids, with unique talents, who show great promise. When I learn how to post pictures, you will see that I'm not kidding.
Yes I am one grateful Grandma, as the year 2008 gets going. Now I'm off to indulge in my favorite sport: walking - in my favorite place, the Bronx Botanical Garden. And am I ever thankful for that piece of Paradise in my own backyard!
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